


A Friendship Undying

by AmandaLRol



Category: British Actor RPF, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Fear of Death, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, No Spoilers, Possible Character Death, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-05-03
Packaged: 2018-01-15 09:39:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1300255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaLRol/pseuds/AmandaLRol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt Smith and David Tennant have become the best of friends since Matt took over the lead role in Doctor Who. Now, four years later, they’re friendship is stronger than ever. Neither of them could ever think of a time where they enjoyed another’s company as much as each other. One day, they are filming on set for the 50th when something goes terribly wrong and David is now fighting for his life. Matt finds comfort in his fiance's (Alex) embrace, but will he be able to cope with what he thinks is all his fault?</p><p>**This fic is on a temporary hiatus as I am dealing with health issues. Shouldn't be much longer, I am already starting work on the next chapter.**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Blink Of An Eye

# A Friendship Undying

 

 

# Prologue

In the blink of an eye, everything about your life can change. Everyone in your life, can change. That one fatal moment, when you refuse to react in enough time. When you just freeze, out of terror. Out of cowardice. When you are expected more than ever before to take actions in your own hands. That moment when all eyes are on you. You just can’t move. No matter how hard you try, your legs will not carry you. The fear and shock settle in like thick waves of toxic air, making it so hard to breathe. Your eyes wide in shock, as you stare with your jaw practically unhinged from your skull. You are helpless.

Then someone else takes the lead.

 

*

###  **Chapter One**

**In The Blink Of An Eye**

 

“Oi! Matt, has that blasted Moff got out the scripts yet? I’m bloody tired, we've been here for ages!’ David walked up to Matt laughing throatily in his best Scottish accent, exasperating thickly for nothing less than a dramatic effect. He studies Matt's face curiously. In an attempt to lighten his mood from an awesomely stressful week for him, he smiles playfully as Matt looks at him and after a few moments he returns the smile.

Matt narrowed his eyes at his best friend, mocking him in his best, -despite poorly practiced- mock Scottish accent. “Oi! Mate!” He tries. Then, as if on cue, they both burst out laughing till tears formed. David shoved Matt playfully and Matt returned the gesture. “You think you’re so bloody cute!” He continues through laughter. “Moff says he’s making some last minute changes." He says, gaining his composure before David. "Damn him, how many times does he have to change the script.” He smiled, almost wickedly. When David threw him a glance, he continued. “Right, he said he didn't quite like how the TARDIS scene was coming out. He wanted a little more of a scuffle between you and me and the new layout. I think he’s over guessing himself but- HEY!” He shouted when David suddenly made a grab for him.

David grew bored of Matt’s rambling and decided to make a bold move for the big red Fez atop Matt’s head. He and Moff swore Matt was a sucker for that thing, so they always teased him with it. “Give it back, David!” Matt threw David his best puppy eyed look and lunged for the hat, only to have it pulled away at the last minute. “C’mon David” He laughed, playing along. “I’m supposed to be the childish one, not you!” He said. After a minute or two, he gave up and went back to lean up against the wall, chewing on some gum and studying his script. David stopped and looked at him.

"Oh, Matt." He said quietly. "Look, you gotta cheer up dude, it won't be like this forever." David looked at him. "I'll always be here if you need to talk man, you know that."

Matt looked at him and nodded sheepishly. Yes, he was a bit stressed out lately. His fiancee, Alex, had been spending so much time with him lately. They had recently become a couple, after a few years of off and on dating secretly. They had began to go after each other after only her first appearance on Who, each unable to confess their love to the other for almost a whole year. After Matt had dealt with a personal family loss, it became evident that they were meant for each other when Alex stood by his side and helped him cope through the tough time. She was an amazing, beautiful woman, with those bashful curls that he loved to bury his face in while they were cuddling. Matt had just proposed to her a little over a month ago, failing miserably to make it a private affair. Not too surprising to the both of them, it was front page news the very next day, and news stations wouldn't stop talking about it for a week. 'The great onscreen couple to be wed'! It was a fan's dream come true, and every time they both made a public appearance together, everyone gushed over them. What they wore, what they were doing. It was just as big an affair as when David and Billie announced they're relationship with each other after rumors began to spread a few years ago, before he retired his lead role on Who, passing it down to Matt. They were not engaged however, because they were always far apart on different filming contracts. Neither of them were really ready to settle down quite yet, but despite the long distances they had to endure, their relationship never faltered.

More than anyone else, David had grown a special relationship with Matt over the years. He always told Matt that he was the absolute best choice Moff could have made to replace him. He always would talk to Matt and perk him up, when he would read hate mail from fans who said that he was ruining the show. "I used to get those too!" he would say. "Honestly, just ignore them. You can't please everyone. C'mon let's go have a drink." He would always smile reassuringly. 

Last week, Alex had to make a sudden departure to the states when she received news that her Ex-husband was to be engaged to another woman, and they were going to try and fight for custody over Salome. Alex was a wreck, and Matt did his best to comfort her, until finally she and him agreed that it would be best if she just went to the states to be with her daughter while they tried to resolve the custody issue. Matt was utterly pissed off that anyone would dare take Salome away from him and Alex. She had started seeing him as a right proper father figure, and they even had made her her own bedroom in his flat. She was as much his kid as theirs, but he knew that he had no say in it. Alex reassured him that she would be back before he had finished filming the episode of Who. Still, Matt worried. And David completely understood. They would often talk about it with each other while they have time away from filming.

Matt was sticking his tongue out at David, while David was dancing around with his Fez on, lightly mocking Matt. Some people started to watch and some laughed. Neither of them noticed the young woman walk up to them.

“God you two are such children!” Both David and Matt noticed her at the same time, and almost simultaneously they blushed. She quickly took to David and yanked the Fez off of his head, giving him a flirting look that only made him gush. She laughed. “David, you should see how red your face is!” After tossing the Fez back to Matt and smiling again, she brushed her long blonde hair from her face and looked up at him with her best puppy dog eyes. Matt knew she had him out beat by a mile, but he just simply smirked as David was fumbling over his words.

“Billie.. I, well um. Hey? Dear, when did you get here?” He stumbled, fighting back that oh-so-famous grin of his but failing miserably. “I missed you” he said. "I mean, I know you've only been gone for like.. twenty minutes, but still. That's quite a long time." He gushed. His eye searching her body.

Billie moved in to kiss him and they locked lips, David could only melt into her as he smelled the sweet scent of her shampoo. Matt held back a laugh as he watched the two going at it, slight jealousy teetering in the back of his head. “Aye, that’s a bit unfair, all that sort.” He exclaims over enthusiastically. “I’m stuck here with you two snogging about while my wifey is in the states and way too far away, while that stupid...” His voice trailed off as he stood there awkwardly, scratching the back of his head.

Knowing Matt as much as he did, David could only guess what he was about to say before he said it. He released his grip from Billie ever so slightly and she backed off, pouting. He pulled her into a tight hug, without kissing her that time, resting his chin on her forehead as she cuddled into him. He looked at Matt, his eyes serious.“Matt, we’ve gone through this before. She’s having a tough time with her Ex-husband and Salome. She’s gonna be fine, it’s only for a while, as they get it sorted out." After a moment's pause, he looked around and smiled. "Maybe you should give her a quick call before Moff comes back. Mind you, don’t let him see you with your phone out or he’ll take it. Rightly so, I don’t blame him for being paranoid about the spoilers getting out.” He winked.

Matt scoffed at him, and then laughed. He was almost tempted to do just that when, conveniently, Moffat showed up. David looked between Matt and Steven. Matt sighed and relaxed yet again, against the wall. "Maybe later David," He mumbled. "It's already pretty late over there anyway, she is probably eating dinner right now." He then looked to Moffat, quickly masking himself with that smile that sometimes even fooled David. He waved and directed a question to him. "Hey Moffat, you almost ready here? We're waiting."

Steven looked at Matt and then at David. He smiled and walked over to them, nodding. "Hey, yeah, sorry about that delay, mates. Just wanted to fix a proper stale-mate." When both of the men looked at him curiously, he started to explain himself. "Okay the TARDIS scene was a bit dull, I wanted a bit of a reaction between the 10th and 11th Doctor. A bit of a childish banter, while Jenna is in the background. In the revision she doesn't say anything until the end. Here, I have these." He handed both of them a scrip reviser. After watching them both read it for a few seconds, "So, what do you think?"

"Oh look! The round things!" Matt exclaimed in character.

As if on cue, David chimed in. "I love the round things."

Matt replied without missing a beat. "What are the round things?"

It was David's turn once again. "No idea"

After a second or two, Matt, David, Steven and Billie all busted out laughing. "Moff, this is brilliant! You sure Jenna won't mind missing the beat?" Matt asks after a few seconds trying to catch his breath. He looked at the script with Billie and they both looked up as Jenna made her way to the group. She broke off her conversation with her make-up artist after hearing her name being said within the conversation. 

"What's that? What am I missing?" Her sweet smile made made Matt feel slightly guilty. She looked at him and then the others. She was very short, even to Matt. He called her his little doll. Her dark hair and slightly pale face reminded him of a porcelain doll. Yes, Matt missed Karen and Arthur, but once again, Moffat had made another brilliant choice for a replacement. He fawned over her and sometimes Alex was even a little jealous. She never held it against him however, because she would constantly talk about John during her filming on Arrow. She would always say how much of a bad-ass he was while playing a villain mastermind. And how good he was doing it. Matt would laugh while she talked about him. He never really had the chance to film with Barrowman, even though he knew how much of a great actor he was. Moff never told them if he would make another appearance in Who or not.

Moffat spoke up after a moment "It's a slight script reviser. Here you go, look for yourself." He hands her a sheet of paper with the same revision and they all look at her expectantly.

After a moment or two she laughs. "This is good Steven, brilliant. Are we ready for it?" She looks at them expectantly. After no one said anything she perked up. "No really, it's good. " She flustered all of them with her smile, including Billie. "Honestly, Steven it's funny as hell. Run it through boys." They both looked at her then back to their scripts. They ran through the scene again right there, completely in character and once again all of them laughed, including Jenna. "You boys are great together, I swear" She said to David and Matt. "Sometimes I swear you two should just get married."

Moffat and Billie burst out laughing while Matt and David shuffled their feet, looking awkward at each other, both exclaiming at the same time. "Oi!" but they couldn't contain their amusement and joined in the laughter. Moffat wiped his face with his hand. "Well everyone seems to be in an amusingly good mood today." He said, throwing a look over to Matt who smiled in return. "That's good, it'll make the work day go by faster." He smiled mildly but then his face turned semi-serious, having a hard time hiding his smile. "Let's take ten and meet me in studio three, we'll do our first take. Practice your lines children! I need to go and find John, he'll be there when you guys are ready." He said as he scooted off. Billie perked a quick kiss on David's cheek and then followed Moff out to the back. David hummed while scanning his revision with his bright eyes, and Jenna giggled like the little girl she was. She went to stand next to Matt, and waited for them.

"Okay Matt," he straightened up his posture and once again got into character, both his hands went behind his back and clasped together with the paper. Matt quickly followed suit and they both played out their lines this time while not looking at the papers. "Oh, you've redecorated. I don't like it." David said, in his best British accent. Matt had to admit it was pretty damn good, almost as if he were a native.

 Matt threw him his best 'I'm so offended but I'm also not' look and read his line from memory. "Oh! Oh yeah, oh you never do! Listen, we're going to the National Gallery, the Zygons are underneath it."

Without pause Jenna piped in, reading her line from memory. "No! U.N.I.T. HQ. They followed us there in the Black Archive." Both Matt and David, still in character, looked  at her with wide eyes as so what detailed in the script. She then continued. "Okay. So you've heard of that then."

 "Right, I think we got it." David sighed and rubbed his forehead.  "C'mon guys, I'll bet we can do it in one take." He mused. "Drinks are on Moff if I'm right!" And the three of them laughed. A few more practice runs and they were ready for the take. They headed off to studio three, where the TARDIS set was. For the first half of the scene however, they were going to run it in front of the green screen. John caught up with them, giving them the thumbs up.

"Okay!" Moff yelled when they were all in position, "Take one, let's go."

As predicted, they polished the first half in one go. Only after David and Matt exchanged shoves with each other and ridiculously girlish giggles, did Jenna let Moff in on their little bet. "Ah, that doesn't count." He exclaimed. "You haven't even finished the scene yet, you bloody fools." He called at them jokingly. "I bet if you can't get the second half in one take, each and everyone of you are buying me one." The three, plus John, who were herding themselves up the stairs and into the TARDIS set began to protest in a fair fashion. "Oh, if you wanna make bets behind my back, then I have a say in it too." He bantered.

"Hey, I don't have anything to do with this, count me out." John whined. He pointed an accusing finger to the other three. "This was all them, so I don't own you nothing" He smiled wickedly to them.

Matt was about to state a clever little comeback when he realized that he had just stepped into a small puddle of water on the set, where he was supposed to be standing for the take. "Oi!" he cried out in surprise, causing everyone to stop and look at him in concern. "What's with the water all around here?" He grumbled. "That's the last thing we need is for someone to slip and fall and break a hip." He hadn't meant to direct that to anyone in particular, but John thought otherwise. He laughed.

"Young man, I'm not that old you know. I know how to take care of myself over a small puddle of water. You however, might want to watch out. That frail little ass of yours could break in half!" The lot of them broke out into fits of laughter while Matt sat there and pouted. John patted him on the back and Matt couldn't help but smile and his ears started to burn. He rubbed the back of his neck and tried to think of something to say, but he fell short. 

"Bah! Why are you all always so mean to me." He chuckled. He knew they were only poking fun, he was always the easiest one to get at because he was so kindhearted to everyone. It took a moment or two before everyone got to their senses. "Honestly though, Moff. I thought they were supposed to fix this leak in the roof ages ago," He looked up to the ceiling that was high above them, even though they were on the second story of the TARDIS. Studio three was a fairly large section of the building, containing most of the interior of the TARDIS. It had a two story set, to save tons of room and provide backdrop to what was used as the hallways and other inside areas. The main placement what put affront on the second story because the cameras could always get a better angle on the backdrop. "You told me that you had some maintenance workers look into it.."

"They did, about a month ago" Moff replied. "Turns out they'd have to do some serious repairs on there. Nothing they can do about it while we are filming."

Matt sighed as one of the interns finished mopping up all of the water. "Seems like the leaking is getting worse Moff."

"Nothing to worry about, as long as we get the take done the first try, like you promised." He winked. "Honestly though, Matt, it shouldn't be a problem, they said it wouldn't be too much of a bother anytime soon. Matt scoffed as a drop of water dripped on to his hair. He wiped it off.

"Let's get this done before we have to redo that mop of yours, shall we?" Jenna chimed in, covering her mouth the stifle her giggling.

"Right," Moffat continued, "Take one, let's go." He said as soon as the person with the mop was clearly out of camera view.

When the camera lights flashed on, it was like the characters turned on as well. Now they were in the current Doctor's TARDIS, after switching from the other two on green screen. David started. "Oh, you've redecorated. I don't like it." It was perfect, his gestures were perfect and completely lucid. The camera focused on Matt but he stumbled.

Of course it wasn't Matt's fault. It really wasn't anyone's fault. He began to read off his line perfectly, but he was interrupted by a loud grinding sound, something completely out of the ordinary. Everyone in the room looked rather confused, and Jenna threw a glance over to Moff, as if asking him what was going on. "I don't suppose this is part of the script, by any chance?" She said aloud. Faces were all around trying to figure out where the noise came from but no one could determine where. 

After a minute or so of complete silence, Moffat interjected. "Shit," he cursed aloud. "Cut, let's run through that again." 

"So much for the free drinks" David mumbled under his breath. Both Matt and John laughed and Jenna put up a fake pout. Matt wiped yet another drop of water from his hair, but said nothing. "Damn and I was really looking forward to it."

After a few minutes they attempted to run the take again, and this time it was David's turn to mess up. However, the grinding and scraping sound was very much louder this time and still no one could figure out where it was coming from.

Until there was a very loud cracking sound, so very loud it made everyone flinch. The cracking of concrete. The scraping of metal. And then, as if on cue, everyone looked up.

"What the..." Matt began, but before he had a chance to finish, there was another very loud crack. Then, dust fell all over Matt and the surrounding area. And another loud  _snap!_ Matt looked at David, and then Jenna, and then back to David, his face twisted in confusion as he tried to wipe the dust out of his hair. "Oh for the love of..." He'd have to get that fixed before they would even try the take again. He sighed.

"Matt.." David took a slow step forward to him. "Matt you need to move, now." His eyes were wide, and he looked a bit scared. Matt looked around, and realized that everyone was staring at him. "What are you all looking at?"

"Matt, I said move..now!" David said a little louder this time, his face was wide with concern now.

Matt was bewildered but he did what he was told, taking a step back. He was still completely and utterly confused. "What.."

Before he could finish, yet another loud crack that practically shook his ear drums. He flinched, covered his ears in shock and looked up again. Then he saw it.

He froze. 

What happened next was just a big blur to him. For the last time, there was that familiar cracking sound, followed by a bunch of snapping and popping. It was unbearably loud and everyone covered their ears this time. After a second or two a large piece of metal came crashing down into the TARDIS set, inches away from Jenna, and she screamed. John quickly grabbed her and pulled her back to the wall of the set as another piece fell where she had been standing moments before.  Matt stood in shock, his concern mainly focused on Jenna to see if she was okay. Momentarily distracted, he didn't hear Moffat and David yelling for him. Without a second to spare, he realized that everyone needed to get away from this area now. He yelled for Jenna and John to quickly get out. There was so much shouting going on all at once that Matt didn't hear the second  _snap!_ as he began to walk to where Jenna was.

"Matt!" David yelled. Suddenly Matt felt a sharp pain in his side and found himself flying sideways quickly. He stumbled and lost his balance, falling to the floor and smacking his head on the makeshift wall of the TARDIS. Before Matt even knew what had hit him, he heard a loud thundering crash, and the whole entire floor shook. His head pounded, and he was blinking out the dizzy from his eyes when once again he heard Jenna scream. Damn that woman has a voice. Matt needed to find her and fast. He stumbled back to his feet and blinked.

Matt quickly looked over to Jenna and John. They were both staring at something in shock, he couldn't be quite sure what it was. There were people shouting and running in every direction. He made his way over to the duo quickly. "Guys come one, we need to get out of here."

Neither of them moved, or even looked at him. That's when he noticed it. Jenna had tears rushing down her face, and John was completely pale. Confused, and a little concerned, he looked into the direction they were facing. It was where he had been standing just seconds ago before he was shoved out of the way. There was a big gaping whole in the floor. For a moment, he was confused. Then he realized what had happened.  _David_ pushed him.  _David_ was there. And now all that was left was dust and debris, and a big hole where he had stood. So much weight, and so much force all at once would cause damage like that. 

In a sudden haze of shock, he looked up. The ceiling had collapsed. There was another huge hole in the ceiling, completely parallel from the hole in the floor.

_Oh my God, no!_

Full realization hit Matt like a pound of bricks. "David!" 


	2. Devastation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt didn’t have time to check and see if the others were okay, he just knew he needed to get to David. The way he lay there, motionless and face down. Not even showing signs of life. Someone needed to get to him, he needed to be alive. Bile rose to the back of Matt’s throat as he saw him lying there. He fought it off and blinked away the tears that were threatening to form. It should have been him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Lady_Cleo for the help

# Chapter Two

### Devastation

 

 

 In a blinding fit of panic, Matt rushed off the set and into the crowds of many concerned people, followed closely behind by Jenna and John. He knew what would be down there. He knew what he would find. He denied it, pushing all of those horrible thoughts out of his head, shoving through people who were grabbing at him and asking if he was okay. _Why are they worried about me?_

After the big and thunderous crash, not much more fell from the damaged ceiling except for dust and the occasional piece of dry wall breaking off and smashing into tiny bits. Matt frantically searched around to look for Moffat and Billie but he could find them nowhere. There were too many people crowding in at once in such a small and confined area. He was beginning to feel claustrophobic. _People needed to be moving out, not in!_  Any part of the ceiling could follow in a collapse any second now. In the crowd, he had just realized that he had been separated from the other two but his momentary concern was drowned out by yet another scream. This time it wasn’t Jenna. Matt froze for only a few seconds. Then he rushed forward more urgently. _Why the hell weren’t they getting out of his way?_

“Billie!” He yelled frantically. Was she hurt? “Move, Please! Get out of the way!” Matt shoved and pushed his way through the still growing crowd of people, now starting to come in from the other studios. The fire alarms had started and the longer it went, the more crowded it seemed to be getting. _Are these people mad? They need to get out!_ Pushing his way in between an elderly man and a member of the Who crew, Matt finally made headway to the bottom of the stage.

His head was spinning, adrenaline pumping, and his heart felt like it was jammed into his throat making it hard for him to breathe. The panicked yelling and shouting almost made him manic, and he was fighting to control each constricted breath. _Something was wrong, very wrong_. It was the reason why so many people crowded in. Someone was hurt. _The natural instinct of a human was of interest in seeing someone in pain._ The thought disgusted Matt and he continued to push forward.

Matt was shaking, he didn’t know from the pain in his head or from the fear that wracked his body. His ears were ringing, and they hadn’t stopped since he hit his head. So many things were going on at once that he couldn’t decide which was bothering him the most. Pushing the thoughts aside, he continued to make his way through the crowd of people who were all trying to get to one place. They were trying to get to where David was... “Billie! David! Moffat!”

He had finally reached the end of the crowd and out into the open, near the base of the TARDIS set. The sight that was before his eyes made him stop dead in his tracks. His heart skipped a few beats and his breath caught at his throat. Both of his hands went directly up, he dragged his fingers through his long brown hair, grabbing at the ends and pulling them. He then, unconsciously spun himself around in a tight circle, looking once more to make sure his mind wasn’t playing cruel tricks on him. His mouth opening and closing in shock, he did not know what to do.

After the initial collapse, the dust began to settle and things began to become clearer. Now Matt understood why there was a crowd gathering, he understood why people were running about, screaming and talking on their cell phones, trying to call for help. Some were staring in shock, and others just stood there crying.

There, beyond the dark haze, he was down. He was not moving.  Large pieces of metal lay strewn across his body, some even cutting into him deeply, both from the initial collapse and the bits of the set that had given way to the impact. Jagged boulder sized pieces of concrete and dry wall had also fallen on top of him. His face and his hair was completely white from the dust and debris that had settled all around him, except that distinct flow of dark crimson that was pouring down his face.

Moffat and Billie had made it there before him, and they were already trying their hardest to remove what they could from the top of David. Both of them desperate. They were shouting in vain as they attempted to move a large wired frame that was too large and very heavy. A few crew members were working on the fringe of the pile, clearing a path to the deathly still form of his friend. Matt wanted to die right there. He wanted to fall into the corner and curl up into a little ball and cry, but something clicked. The way David looked, helpless and ashen. Blood pooling up underneath him, metal cutting into his clothes and even deeper into his skin, and deeper still. Concrete crushing his body, his ribs. Jesus... his head!  _It was bad._

Without even daring to give it a second thought, Matt rushed up to the others and did his best at helping them move the frame out of the way. It was heavy. He puffed and struggled with the others but finally managed to lift the obstruction off of David. He still didn’t move. _Was he even breathing?_

Matt didn’t have time to check and see if the others were okay, he just knew he needed to get to David. The way he lay there, motionless and face down. Not even showing signs of life. Someone needed to get to him, he needed to be alive. Bile rose to the back of Matt’s throat as he saw him lying there. He fought it off and blinked away the tears that were threatening to form.  _It should have been him._

“Medic! Medic coming through! MOVE!” Matt heard a man bellow in the distance. At least he thought it was a distance away, but the Medic had just broke through the crowd. “Jesus” was all you heard him say when he saw what the focus of all the calamity was.

He never missed a beat, tossing all of his medical supplies to the side and also ran up to help get all of the rubble and obstructions off of the top of David. As people started shaking off the shock, a few more came forward and helped. Others were to scared or shocked to move, and they stared grimly. Many were still shouting and a few security guards were trying to clear out the crowd and evacuate the building. Things had calmed down a bit, but for Matt, it just seemed as though it was only getting worse.

The medic kept trying to reach David and if anything, just to take his pulse. He began to shout orders immediately. “Do not move him!” The medic yelled. “Whatever you do, don’t move him. And don’t touch anything that has penetrated him!”

The way the man said it only frustrated Matt more and he began to cry out. Half from fear, and the other half was devastation. He didn’t even know if David was alive, but he had to believe that he was. But he also understood, very far in the back of his mind, that the medic was right to caution them; reruns of Alex's ER days had shown him what happened when things like that were moved from an injury improperly.

After a few very frustrating minutes, most of the heavy lifting was finished and all that was left was the bits of wire and glass that covered him, and a few small - and some even large - pieces of metal that had lodged themselves inside of him. The sight was unbearable to Matt and he had to look away and take a couple of deep breaths. His hand over his mouth, he shut his eyes tight and wished the past ten minutes away.

The medic grabbed his bag and fell to his knees as close as he could get to David. “Where is the ambulance, anyone. Please tell me someone called the ambulance” He shouted. He put his hand up to David’s mouth and nose, and then he checked his pulse. When no one replied to his question, he yelled it again, much louder.

“It’ll be here in two minutes.” Someone replied. Matt didn’t realize, it was Moffat. His voice was so low and shaky, Matt had never heard him like this before.

“That’s way too fucking long” The medic said dryly.

“I have a pulse... it’s weak but I have it.” Billie stood as close to the medic as she could, tears were streaming down her face as she clutched on to Moffat. And he himself wasn’t looking so good, a grim expression pasted across his face. He couldn’t tear his vision away from the sight that was before him, blinking rapidly.

Matt still couldn’t stop himself from shaking as he balled up his fists, breathing heavily. He couldn’t take his eyes off of David for one second, his heart longing to grab him and pull him to safety and just hold him. Hold him and soak up all of the wrong that was happening to him right now. Matt’s feet stayed rooted to the ground as the medic did his best to save David’s life. He wasn’t moving fast enough and Matt was teetering on the edge of insanity. Never had he seen such a horrific sight.  _He saved my life,_  Matt thought.  _He has to be alright. He_ has _to be._

 _David was injured bad, so very, very bad_. “We’ve got a crush injury. Serious head wound… multiple contusions... severe trauma to the body,” The medic started off. Matt noticed he had an ear piece that he had just pulled out of his pocket and turned on, so he could only assume that he was listing off the injuries to whoever was coming so they could be ready. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing, telling himself that help was going to be here soon.

The medic continued, to Matt’s dismay, listing off each possible injury to the people on the other end. “Multiple compound fractures. Impaled in the abdomen, and the chest area. He’s lost a lot of blood. I have a pulse but it’s weakening by the minute.” The medic placed his hand over David’s mouth for the second time. He paused, for a moment, and then stiffened up. The man turned to look at Matt and then turned back quickly. The face Matt saw on the man for that one instant made him freeze, his eyes wide. 

The next words that the man mumbled sent shock waves through Matt’s already unstable body.

“He isn’t breathing. Both lungs have collapsed possibly from broken rib fragments. I don’t have the damn tools to intubate him properly!” He yelled. “You need to get here now, I’m losing him.”

 

His heart froze over and it sank to the bottom of his stomach like a pound of lead. The newly distributed weight in his body made him rigid. His knees weakened and he collapsed, letting himself fall against the wall. His vision blurred and he lost all sense of hearing. All he could understand was that his heart was pounding against his chest way to fast.  _He couldn't breathe._

Then his world turned black.

 


	3. Not a Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt tried to close his eyes to stop the spinning and to get in control of his breathing. His hands balled up into fists involuntarily and he bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood. On instinct, he reached his hand to the back of his head, to the source of the pain. His hand came back covered in blood. What? He didn’t think he smacked against the wall that hard. Then again, he didn’t think much since it happened. All he knew was that David did it to save his life, putting his own in danger.

# Chapter 3

### Not a Nightmare

 

 

The voice seemed far away, blocked by a haze that was relentless. “Hey! Hey come on wake up, you need to breathe!”

Matt became consciously aware that someone was shaking him, for what reason he had no idea. His memories danced around in his head but he was unable to reach them, unable to grasp them as they floated just out of his reach. He swam on the end of consciousness. The darkness clung to him, wrapping him in a nice warm hug that just felt too right. He wanted to fall back into the darkness that engulfed him, it was the only comfort from the pain that he was only too quickly becoming aware of.

All that he was able to understand was that his head felt like it was wrapped around in a vise and after that, realizing that his lungs were burning for air. He took in a gasp of air and was awarded with a fit of coughing. He blinked, bleary eyed, and groaned at the sudden influx of light. Someone removed a mask from his face gently and pressed cold fingers against his neck, causing him to flinch. “Matt, can you hear me?” Fingers prodded at his eyelids as someone forced them open, shining a bright light into each of them. “Hey, that’s it, wake up buddy. Help is coming, you just gotta stay awake, okay?”

“What..?” As he opened his eyes slowly and his vision focused, memories flooded into his mind. Riding a surge of energy, he tried to stand only to have a pair of hands roughly hold him down by the shoulders.

_David. I have to find David._

“No, Matt, you need to stay down. We have help coming in. Just relax.”

“What?!” He said more firmly as he looked at the man who was restricting his movement. It was Moffat, with another man who also was hovering over his shoulder, the uniform revealing him as the medic.. A few others stood a few feet away, no one that he knew. Matt stared at them wide eyed and started to ask questions. His words were slurred and the jumbled mess that escaped his mouth only confused him more. “Where? How long? What happened?” It came out as barely a moan and Moffat looked at him with concern. He looked to the medic who kept his fingers on Matt’s wrist not saying a word. He seemed to be upset about something, Matt noticed.

“Matt, you hit your head. It’s a pretty nasty gash, I’m not sure-“ Moffat began but he was shut down quickly when Matt started to struggle again. An unfamiliar feeling of fear and anger started to build up in his stomach, almost making him sick. He needed to get up and clear his head.

“Get off of me! Where is David! Steven get off of me!” Matt tugged from Moffat’s grip and finally managed to pull away. Moffat refused to leave his side as he stubbornly helped him to stand and keep him steady. Almost immediately, Matt’s head began to swim and Moffat tightened his grip on his arm.

“Where is David!?” He asked again, his eyes searching the area frantically. His breath quickened and became harder to control as he stood there, in the almost ghostly quiet room. David was not where he last saw him, the area was mostly empty and there were a few firemen wondering around trying to clear the dwindling crowd out. He looked back to the medic who was standing close by. His hands were covered in blood and his face was ridden with sadness and his eyes darkened. Matt found it difficult to look into his eyes, afraid of what he would find. Despite all of this, his voice was calm and steady.

“Mr. Smith. You have a concussion, we need to go to the hospital and get it checked out right away.” The medic said, He approached cautiously, and tried to direct Matt to sit back down.

“Where is David?” Matt could only seem to think of one thing, his brain was careening through his head like a game of volleyball with a baseball bat. It made him hopelessly dizzy and the room he was in spun like the TARDIS on an acid trip. _Shit. Now is not the time for this fucking nonsense._  

Moffat continued to hold on to Matt as he tried to coax him and calm him. Matt refused to do so, and stumbled forward to the last place he saw David. Once again Moffat tightened his grip and didn’t let Matt get far.

“He’s left only moments ago, the ambulance came, and they are on the way to the hospital now. Another one should be around momentarily.” Moffat said dully. Something in his voice made Matt flinch, and pull away from him. Moffat backed off and looked at him. He was concerned for Matt and his behavior only made him even more concerned.

Matt tried to close his eyes to stop the spinning and to get in control of his breathing. His hands balled up into fists involuntarily and he bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood. On instinct, he reached his hand to the back of his head, to the source of the pain. His hand came back covered in blood. What? He didn’t think he smacked against the wall that hard. Then again, he didn’t think much since it happened. All he knew was that David did it to save his life, putting his own in danger.

Opening his eyes again, he spat the taste of iron out of his mouth. Trying as hard as he could, he mustered up his best glare and pointed it to Moffat. He did not think he’d ever had such a maddening headache before, and it took all of what was remaining of his sanity and strength to ignore it. “Is he alive?” He whispered, only loud enough for the men to hear.

Moffat closed his eyes and took a deep breath but the medic answered for him. “Only just… I managed to keep his pulse until they got here but it’s not good.” He paused. “Listen, we have the ambulance outside waiting for you. You took a hard hit, they are going to take you in.”

Matt shook his head and instantly regretted the motion. “No. I-“

“Listen, Matt, we need to take you to the hospital.” Moffat didn’t want to give Matt time to respond. He looked like hell and worse. It was a pretty hard hit he took when David shoved him against the wall and the longer he stalled, the more incoherent he looked. “Come on, everyone will be there. Please, Matt.” He looked at him with sad, dark eyes.

Matt shut his eyes tight and shook his head again. _Shit! When will I learn not to do that?_ He covered his ears and scrunched up his face as if he were being assaulted by loud unbearable noises.  After several deep breaths he opened his eyes and looked at the men.

As he had become consciously aware that he was bleeding, he could now feel the blood dripping down his neck slowly. It only concerned him momentarily.

“I’m not. You need to listen to me. David saved my life I need to…” Not only did he have to deal with the pain, but his whole entire life was spiraling out of control and nothing he could do right now would stop it. Everything was happening way too quickly. The men stared at him with concern but Matt knew deep down that they were also staring at him accusingly. Or was he just going mad from the stress? He knew it was all his fault. In a sudden moment of vulnerability, his emotion became taught with rage. His breathing became rapid and hot tears fell down his face. He was not mad at anyone in particular, just himself. He was visibly shaking and clenching his teeth.

Obviously, Matt wasn’t thinking rationally. So many emotions played into his head like a radio that was blasting all stations at once. Rage, fear, desperation, horror and denial. It was in his best interest to keep throwing them to the back of his mind, each time they were thrown at him from every possible direction and he just couldn't seem to escape the internal battering. He looked at where David was only minutes before. There was an ungodly amount of blood, and it only made his stomach do summersaults. He had to look away.

The pain in his head almost made it impossible for him to think but he formed the words from his mouth anyway. “M’ kay. Yeah…” He said. “I need to be with… M’ need to see David.” Matt fumbled, growing woozy from the relentless throbbing. He didn’t even care. The pain he could handle. He deserved it, and it was the least of his worries right now. _Why the hell are these fools staring at me like I am a bloody idiot!?_   Once again his head swam. _I can handle myself._

“First you need to get yourself checked out.” Moffat said, his concern only growing while he watched Matt deteriorate. He took a step forward.

As if suddenly coming back to the room, Matt jumped back, startling Moffat into retreat. “No! I’m fine! Do not bother with me! Back the fuck off!”

Moffat looked at him in shock and threw his glance over to the medic, who simply stood his ground. “I’m sorry, that’s not possible. You need medical attention. Please...”

Moffat just stood, unable to respond to the unusual verbal attack.

Pent up rage was leaking out of Matt’s ears now and he took a few steps toward the man. He had so much to say, so much to yell and get off his chest. He wanted to knock these fools out of his way and just sprint for his life. Run far far away from this place. He didn’t know where he would go other than away, but he had to get out. The fear and anxiety was driving him mad. All of the sudden, he was just too afraid to face his demons, too afraid to face reality. He understood the way they refused to look him in the eyes, the way they stumbled across their words whilst talking to him. The sad eyes, the tears and the accusing looks. The blood. The still fresh image of his friend lifeless while he could do nothing about it. He was a coward.

He took two steps and faltered. Pain shot through the back of his head and down his spine like thousands of needles jabbing him all at once with the ferocity of hurled spears. He screamed out in pain and fell forward, his vision blinding and heart imploding inside of his chest. The medic noticed the sudden change and stepped toward him, holding out his hands. Matt’s body went completely limp and the pain being too much for him, he lost consciousness.

The medic and Moffat quickly grabbed Matt by the arms and gently laid him on the floor. “Shit, doc is he going to be okay?” A very concerned Moffat asked as the medic called out for help. He pulled out the breathing mask from his bag and placed it over Matt’s nose and mouth again, and checked his pulse. He said Matt’s name a few times but this time Matt did not respond. The medic cursed silently. A few medical officers came quickly with a gurney and carefully picked him up and placed him on it, strapping him in. When an answer finally did come, it wasn't directed at Steven.

“Blood pressure is through the roof, another severely concussed.” He said to the men. After a minute or two, he went back to his bag and began to pack up, only half enthused, mumbling something under his breath about the stubbornness of brits. Another second or two, he turned his attention to the fretting Scotsman as he loaded supplies.

“He took a hard hit, throwing the entire back of his head into the wall. It wouldn’t have caused as much damage initially, but I think he nicked on to something, you know. Something caught it. Head injuries are difficult, a concussion like his could cause behavior changes and prolonged effects in mobility.” He looked at Moffat, standing with his bag. “You have to understand, I'm an EMT, not a doctor. Without scans, I cannot give you a definitive diagnosis right now.”

He paused. It would be all the information that he could give, but seeing the disappointed and worried look in the man’s eyes, he quietly added “The longer it takes for him to get treated, the worse it could be. We can only hope for the best. Right now it doesn’t seem that his mobility is impaired, but I am worried about his sudden lapse.”

“Lapse?”

“Yeah, he was disoriented and confused. You could say he was very angry. Is he normally like this?”

“Of course not!” Moffat looked at him incredulously. Why should he even ask such a question? Matt never behaved like that, anyone could tell him that Matt was the most gentle and most caring person anyone had ever known. Even his behavior a few moments ago startled him. But he simply put that together with the irrational fear of his friend. His breath caught in his throat. After a moment or two he responded, more to himself than to the medic. “But it’s as you said, head injuries are complicated” He said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yes. Now if you don’t mind.” He nodded and gestured toward the ambulance.

Yes, sorry. Uh, Sir?” Moffat said before the medic left. He turned around once more, only a slight twinge of annoyance in his face, not enough to be noticed. “I just wanted to uh, say thanks. For the help I mean.” He looked awkwardly to the floor.

The medic sighed and replied. “Don’t thank me yet.” He then turned and jumped into the bus.

Moffat nodded and only stood back as the men readied Matt to be taken in the ambulance and to the hospital. He shook his head and took a deep breath. “Can I come with him?” He asked one of the men.

“Yes, of course.” Moffat climbed up into the ambulance and the man slammed the doors shut behind him. They took off quickly, sirens blaring.


	4. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt was crying. The nightmare he left was still with him, not fading. It was fresh in his mind as a reminder that what was, is. It was not a nightmare, it was memories. He buried his head into her curls and just let everything go. He wanted to forget, he wanted all of it to be a nightmare but it just wouldn’t.

# Chapter Four

### Aftermath

 

His first sense that returned to him was feeling. He felt someone’s hand gripping his left, rather tight. He felt the slight pressure of something clipped on to his right forefinger. The back of his head felt odd, almost numb. It also rubbed against the fabric of his pillow roughly. The dichotomy of the last one confuses him as his thoughts swarmed in his head like bumblebees in a jar. _What has happened?_ His mind muddled, a jigsaw puzzle after it's shaken around in the box. He sort of remembered what the picture was supposed to be, but not every detail or even the grand design.

His second sense that reappeared was smell, and it was odd. The smell was a mixture of baby powder and alcohol. Not the kind you’d drink either. A hospital? Why would he be in a hospital? He racked his memories for even the slightest detail that would tell him what was going on. His brain went into overdrive and he winced in pain.

He winced in pain as his brain kicked into overdrive, and almost instantly, he began to hear voices. Quiet voices, near him. _A man? Or was it a woman?_  No it was both. A man and a woman, talking low amongst themselves. Almost so low that he could barely make out what they were saying.

“Recovery… it’s not… not sure… time?” A woman’s voice came. The voice was unfamiliar to him and he strained to listen, missing key parts of the conversation as his mind flailed like a drunken boxer.

“Weeks… progress… effects.” The rough voice of a similarly unfamiliar man responded in monotone. Ugh. The more he tried to understand what was going on, the more his head throbbed. A dull aching pain that alarmed him. He wondered where the pain was coming from. Some time went by before he realized that he was slipping in and out of consciousness.

The darkness was relentless as he fought it, enveloping him in its grasp as he struggled against its weight. His heart was telling him to wake up, but his mind would embrace the thick blackness that threatened to overtake him, with false promises of tantalizing oblivion.

As the minutes passed, he became more aware of his surroundings as he fought the temptation to relax and let himself plummet into the void of emptiness. He dared to open his eyes to the bright florescent lights that lit up the room he was in. The light was blinding, so it was difficult to take it all in at once without instinctively cringing deeper into his pillow. Taking a breath, he blinked, letting his world slowly slide into focus. It was like a photo developing. First it was mere shapes and shadows, then the shadows outlined and defined themselves and color filled the rest. It was as though he hadn’t seen anything for what felt like forever. His eyes drinking in everything before him, one piece at a time.

He continued to blink as he observed more of his surroundings. The monumental struggle must have been more internal than he thought, since no one had noticed and continued on as though he were still sleeping.

A man and a woman were talking, not to themselves but to another woman across the room. He diverted his eyes over to her direction and saw her. He brilliant curls, the ones he fell in love with at first sight. Her amazing face was scrunched up into an expression wholly unfamiliar to him- tightly compressed sadness and worry drew it closed like a shade. Tears leaked out from her closed eyes as she listened to what the man was telling her. Occasionally she chewed on her bottom lip, an action he always found sweetly distracting. She was holding his hand in hers, eyes closed as she listened to what the man was telling her.

He watched her in puzzled awe as he continued to lay there quiet, unnoticed. _Wasn’t she supposed to be in the states? Why is she here?_ He thought for a moment. _Where am I? I can’t be in the states, can I?_ Again his addled mind shut him out of his most recent memories as he attempted to piece them together, but he fought through the darkness and eventually found a few breadcrumbs.

 No, he wasn’t in the states. He was in… London? Yes. _Of course!_ How could he forget- he was filming for Who! Him, Jenna, Billie, and David. His head lingered around the reminder of David. There was something about David… he pressed for a few long seconds before he was shoved violently out of his thoughts and into another wave of consciousness.

Alex had squeezed his hand and picked it up carefully to kiss it. His heart must have fluttered, and the monitor flitted to life and alerted at the sudden change.

Noticing the sound, Alex looked up at him and smiled half-heartedly, her face expressing instant relief. Her eyes were rimmed with red and her face was damp with tears. The sight of her and how miserable she looked, made him groan in protest. He wanted to hug her and tell her that everything was fine and that there was no need to worry, but somehow he didn’t think that was true.

She quickly wiped away her tears with her sleeve and moved in closer, holding his hand in hers once more and kissing his knuckles twice before speaking. He appreciated the warmth from her beautiful fingers, and the way they trembled against his. The soft press of her lips.

“Matt, Matt baby I’m here. Can you hear me?” She said, her voice cracking as soon as she spoke. She never released her grip as his dull eyes bore into her tortured ones.

Matt tried to speak but found it almost instantly impossible. His mouth felt like sandpaper and his throat fared no better. It was as though he'd gargled the whole of the Sahara Desert. His lips parted and he made a hoarse grunt, the back of his throat stung in protest. He closed his eyes and tried to swallow but instead he ended up coughing. Alex looked up in concern to the man standing on the other side of the bed.

The nurse who was speaking to the man only minutes before had left and quickly returned with a cup filled with ice chips. She slipped around the man to stand on Matt's other side and gathered a spoonful of ice chips. She pressed them against Matt’s lips and Matt gratefully accepted the cool wet sensation as it soothed his tongue and flowed to the back of his throat.

She handed Matt another spoonful, which he accepted without protest. He swallowed the ice, took an experimental breath, and looked at Alex. “Hello Alex” He managed. “How are you?”

Alex let out a small laugh and went in for a hug. It was much less contact then what Matt wanted at the moment, but he decided it would be best if he not push it until he knows exactly what happened. Drawing back too soon, Alex wiped away the wet from her eyes. “Matt, God you are always doing that. Worrying about others before you concern yourself.” She smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“Exhausted. Sore. Throat like I gargled hot nails. And rather out of it. Other than that I’m okay." Alex and the nurse gave tiny smiles at his assessment, which promptly disappeared when he asked, "So what’s wrong?” He glanced around at the faces looking at him. Alex’s brow furrowed and she looked again to the other man in the room- a doctor, if the glaring white coat was anything to go by.

“Matt, Darling,” She said looking back to him. “Matt I was so worried. When I heard what happened I jumped on the next flight. I- I didn’t know what to think… no one would tell me anything. I thought you…” She looked at him and he just looked at her like an innocent and confused boy. “Matt, I- um, do you remember what happened?”

Matt shook his head weakly “No,” He said, alarmed at the panic in her voice. “I remember I was with David, and-“ He paused and swallowed. The doctor handed him another spoonful of ice chips. “Alex what is going on? I was at filming for Who but it’s all blurry…” He said wearily. He took a long blink and for a moment Alex thought he had drifted back to sleep, but slowly his eyes opened up again, revealing the dull greyness that clouded them. “Bloody hell, why am I so out of it?”

The doctor looked at Matt. “With your injury and the drugs we have you on, Mr. Smith, you are probably going to be 'out of it' for a few more hours.” He smiled, not quite meeting Matt's eye. “My name is Doctor James, it’s nice to see you finally awake. Now, tell me, can you remember anything that happened to you?” He began to fiddle around with an IV that Matt had not noticed before.

“Well no, I- I’m not sure.” Matt fumbled. _He was injured? That would explain the aching in his head_. His memories were coming back to him in slow increments but he still had no idea how he ended up here. Head injury or not, Alex was still acting off.

“I’m just glad you are okay.” She took his hand in hers once more and kissed it. Then she stood and kissed him on his temple and whispered in his ear. “I love you so much darling. Don’t you ever do that to me again.” For what seemed like the millionth time, she kissed him again and sat back down, never releasing her grip on his hand. Matt accepted her motherly love willingly, and he smiled. He still couldn’t get that nagging feeling from the back of his head. He tried to reassure her.

He nodded and smiled. “I promise love, I won’t ever do it again.” He received a slight but drawn smile from her. He decided to change the subject. He really didn’t care much for being the center of attention. “How is Salome?”

“Oh,” the ploy worked momentarily. “She is okay. She’s only called and asked how you were doing for the millionth time already since I’ve been here.”

“Oh? She knows what happened?” Matt asked, a bit put off that Salome knew something that he just couldn’t wrap his mind around. If she knew, then who else?

“Well, dear. By the time I left the states, it was all over the news. I was getting calls left and right about what happened to you and David. I-“ She stopped abruptly. “Oh shit I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes and looked away.

Matt felt an unfamiliar panic rise in his chest as he looked at the doctor for the first time in the ten or so minutes that had passed. The doctor looked at Alex with his dark green and sad eyes.

“David?” A chill ran down his spine as he repeated his name. He shivered violently and collapsed into the bed once more. Alex squeezed his hand and looked at him.

“Alex, I’m fine. I must have fallen and knocked my head, but there are still some missing gaps in my memory. Everything is okay though,” He winced, his head spinning. “Whoa hey- the room’s movin.” He tried to sit up but the doctor shook his head and put a hand on his shoulder.

“No, sir. You need to relax. Everything will come back to you soon enough. I’ll give you something for the pain.”

“I don’t- wait. I don’t want anything for the pain. I’m fine. Can someone tell me what is going on? Where are the others Alex?” He released his had from her grip and placed it to the back of his head as he plopped down, no strength left to hold himself up. “Oh, my head.” He shut his eyes tight but just as quickly they popped right back open. He was starting to fight the sleep that was suddenly overwhelming him again.

“Just... I don’t want you to put me under doc, I’m trying to gather my memories, just give me a sec.” Matt lay still on his bed as Alex watched over him quietly. After a few minutes Matt couldn’t hold his own any longer and drifted off.

 

* * *

 

He woke up screaming.

“Shh… Matt! Matt it’s okay! It was just a nightmare!” Alex rushed to him, fear in her voice as she saw the brilliant man that she was so much in love with, in so much pain. “Matt, here with me. Here with me!” She cupped his chin and spoke to him quietly. “You’re okay. You are here with me, I will not let anything happen to you. Calm.” Fresh tears fell down her face as she held Matt in a tight hug. “Okay, okay, okay.”

Matt was crying. The nightmare he left was still with him, not fading. It was fresh in his mind as a reminder that what was, is. It was not a nightmare, it was memories. He buried his head into her curls and just let everything go. He wanted to forget, he wanted all of it to be a nightmare but it just wouldn’t.

After a while he became too weak to cry, and he just laid there, in her arms, breathing quietly and listening to her heart beat. She never moved, never said a word. She only held him and comforted him, rocking back and forth soothingly.

When Matt was drained of all strength, Alex laid him down gently on the bed and pulled the covers in to warm his freezing cold body. He was pale, his eyes sunk in and puffy. His face wet, and he was cold to the touch. She summoned the doctor and asked if he could give him another blanket.

When the doctor came in with another blanket, Matt looked at him. “Where is David?” He asked weakly. Doctor James just looked at him and shook his head resentfully.

“David… he was-.” Matt squeezed his eyes shut as the memories pounded his head left and right, in no particular order. He groaned out in pain. Matt’s blood pressure monitor began sounding off an alarm. He started to breathe through clenched teeth.

Still holding his hand, Alex stood abruptly. “Doctor,” she pleaded quietly.

“Mr. Smith.” He walked briskly up to the side of his bed. “Please, calm yourself, everything is fine. Relax.” He said as he gently placed his hands on Matt’s arm.

With a sudden and unjustified surge of strength, Matt began to breathe heavily, his eyes flicking back and forth between Doctor James and Alex. His head pounding, he found himself too weak to move so he just made himself heard. Nonsensical complaints tumbled from his lips.

For the second time, memories had flooded his mind. Without moving an inch, he plunged. Despite the heaving gasps he was dragging in, his lungs burned as though he was drowning. The darkness beckoned, but the pain of everything trumped the numbness and he fought it off. Alex stared in shock and covered her mouth. She shut her eyes tightly and a whimper escaped her lips. “Jesus, Matt!”

“No. No.” He struggled. “W-what happened? I remember everything. A-Alex, where is he. Where…? Where is David?” Alex looked away from him and tears stung his eyes. “No. no no no no. He’s not-?” Once again Matt tried to sit up. This time he half succeeded when the doctor pushed him down again and he grunted out in protest.

“I’m going to have to ask you to relax Mr. Smith!” He said sternly. “I am not willing to put you under again, but I will if I have to. You are over stressing yourself, I don’t want to be responsible for any further injury you might cause yourself.”  

Matt stopped and looked at him, and then back to Alex. He decided that he did not want to sleep right now, and he would lose the choice if he kept struggling. Despite the residual strength that told him he could take on this doctor, he just sat there. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, waiting for the pain in the back of his head to subside.  

After a few deep breaths and several long minutes, he looked at Alex again. She still wouldn’t look at him. “Alex _please_.” Matt begged.

She shook her head and still refused to look, afraid that if she saw Matt’s pleading eyes she would surely bursts out into tears right in front of him, only stressing him out more. In the raw moment of it all, she had resented the fact that Matt remembered everything. He would find out eventually, but now just wasn’t the time. He needed to heal and get better first.

“Alex!” He shouted desperately. This startled Alex into turning around and locking eyes with him. The moment she did that, she regretted it. His pleading eyes crashed into her like waves. “Alex, I need- I need to know. Please?” He said quietly. The doctor glared at him for his recent outburst, the professional mask slipping. Alex’s bottom lip quivered and she sat down carefully on the bed next to Matt.

“He’s alive.” She finally said. “But…” Matt’s sigh of relief hitched in his throat. “He was in bad shape when they brought him in. They’re not sure-“ Her voice cracked. Matt said nothing, letting her continue. She shook her head. “They’re not sure he’s going to pull through. He’s still in surgery. Has been since I got here. They… they won’t tell me anything.” Her words exhausted, she swallowed hard and a tear slipped down her cheek. She waited for him to say something. She waited... and waited.

An uneasy prickle went down her spine as she became aware that the room became deathly silent, and Matt had once again gone rigid beneath her touch.

“How long?” He finally croaked out. Alex gave him a confused look. “How long since the accident? Long enough for you to get here at least. Just tell me.” He whispered.

“It’s been about nineteen hours.” The doctor answered.

“Nineteen? He’s been in surgery for nineteen hours?” Matt exclaimed, his voice rising a new pitch.

This time Alex readily answered when Doctor James hesitates for the first time, unsure of how to answer. “It’s touch and go. They keep having complications. They are doing everything but I’m just not being told anything. Neither has Billie.” She sniffled.

“Oh Jesus… Billie.” Matt’s heart sank and he sagged into his pillows, exhaustion suddenly overwhelming him. “Billie” he said again, his voice drifting. “Oh my God I am so sorry.”

“Sorry? Matt, sorry for what?” Alex asked, confused.

Matt mumbled something incoherent and became still.

“Mrs. Kingston, I think we need to let Mr. Smith rest, he has had a very stressful day. He is simply exhausted.” The doctor made it a point that he was still in the room and Matt grunted. He took a deep breath and had a few words for the doctor but all that came out was a yawn. His head lolled to one side.

“Yes, alright doctor James.” Alex stood next to Matt and kissed his forehead. She pulled up his blankets and lightly tucked him in whispering “I love you” with another kiss and left.

After the doctor left, Matt was asleep again in a matter of minutes.


	5. Recovery Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt looked away from her, tears and fear in his eyes. Why would she even bother with him after what he had done? He was too afraid to speak. Too afraid to even look at her! His heart sank and he just wished he could melt into the floor. God he was such an idiot.

# Chapter Five

### Recovery Begins

 

Matt Smith woke up to a quiet dark room, and for a few short minutes his troubles evaded him as he blinked away the drowsiness. _How long had it been now, over a day?_   Despite everything, he was beginning to feel much better than before. He found it much easier to move around and to see things clearly in the soft light streaming in from the hall. He decided to sit up and test his extremities, flexing tentatively. Legs were working- okay good. Toes, fingers, arms... all good.

Convinced that all of his parts were in working order, Matt used the remote on the side of the bed to lift himself to a sitting position. He sat there for a moment, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and feeling the stubble that began to form around his chin. He really did not like the way it grew out, making him look aged. A disapproving grunt escaped his lips as he scratched at the annoying fuzz.

He sighed and lifted his hand to the back of his head. Although still very sore, it hardly hurt as much as it had earlier. He felt the bandage, pressing down slightly and wincing - although it was only a half wince of pain. The other part was because he just realized that all of his hair was gone. Although, he had only half winced at that. The other portion of the wincing was because he just realized that all of his hair was gone. _I’m bald?!_ He scoffed and sagged into his pillows.

he shot back up and tensed, waiting for the slight spin of the world to slow down. He had a sudden, overpowering urge to just get up and take a walk. He wanted to do something that would help distract himself from his thoughts. He would look like a bloody bald mental patient but at the moment that didn’t seem to phase him. He’d slip off to the café, grab a cuppa and be back before anyone knew he was gone. Matt was oblivious to the few monitors he was attached to, and the IV still hooked to his arm.

Matt threw off his covers haphazardly and turned his legs so they were hanging off to the side and his feet were touching the floor. Slowly he stood, finding it almost unbelievably easy that he was able to balance his weight. He was fi--. The momentary sense of pride vanished when his legs buckled beneath him and he prepared to meet the ground in a hurry.

A pair of strong hands were with him in less than a second, thankfully before his head made contact with the hard tile floor. Air whooshed out of his lungs when the arms wrapped around his waist to hold him steady. He cursed aloud and tried to wiggle his way free, unsuccessfully. Matt puffed. “Alex, I can…” He looked at her and the words caught in his throat. _Billie._

For a second, Matt froze but then he flinched and suddenly pulled away from her. The wrenching motion took his rescuer by surprise. She lost her grip and Matt tumbled awkwardly against the side of the hospital bed with a gasp of pain. Billie reached for him again to help him but he curled in on himself, refusing to acknowledge her, and she withdrew. He sat there, his arms wrapped tightly around his knees as he tried to maintain composure.  He suddenly felt very much alone and scared.

Those first few seconds, when he got a good look at her, all he felt was dread. Billie looked horrible, ten times worse than what Alex was letting on when she was around earlier. She looked as though she hadn’t showered in days, her hair a tangled mess and face soggy with tears. Despite all of that, she managed a sweet smile to him and got down on her knees, so she was eye level with him. He was too afraid to look at her so he just stared into his lap, shivering like a small child. She said nothing for a few long moments as she looked him over.

She sniffled quietly and wiped her face. “Hey, Matt, you okay?” Her voice was quiet and raspy, as if she had lost it earlier. She looked at him with her bright blue eyes and waited for the answer that never came.

Matt looked away from her, tears and fear in his eyes. Why would she even bother with him after what he had done? He was too afraid to speak. Too afraid to even _look_ at her! His heart sank and he just wished he could melt into the floor. God he was such an idiot.

“You ought to not be running off anywhere. Alex told me you’d be trying to do that.” She offered a weak smile and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Do you need some help?” She asked, as he started to unfurl.

“No I uh-“ Matt fumbled awkwardly to stand on his own. Anything to avoid the awfully painful confrontation, he tried to avoid eye contact as he shifted his weight to his knees. “I’m sorry, so sorry, I just…” He gestured with his hands as best as he could. “I just… I thought maybe…”

Before he could get up to his feet, he almost lost his balance again. Billie was at his side in an instant, and wrapped a bracing arm around his side. Unwillingly, he let her help him up and into the bed, collapsing gratefully into the soft mattress. “Uh, thanks Billie. I uh, sorry.” He mumbled. “I guess I just- I just fared a walk. Need to clear my head. I suppose I’m just still a little out of it.”

“I’m sure you did.” She said as she sat down and sighed, after making quite sure that Matt was okay and he hadn’t harmed himself. She sat anxiously, picking at the collard ends of her sweater sleeves. They looked torn and ragged as if she was tearing at them for months. When she finally relaxed into the chair, she was the first person to break the silence. “So, Matt” She said, sorrow and grief in her tone. “How are you doing today?”

Matt answered a little too quickly. “I’m fine!” He diverted his eyes to the ceiling and gulped. “I mean, I’m okay… nasty head injury. But you know, nothing I can’t handle.” When he saw the hurt in her eyes, he couldn’t help but blurt out, “Why are you here?”

Billie locked eyes with him and for one tense moment he thought she was going to explode right then and there. Lord help him, but he wasn't ready for that. Matt knew he deserved everything that she would accuse him of and he knew deep down with every fiber of his being that Billie was hating him with all of hers. He carefully steadied his breathing. He wish she’d talk but feared what she would say.

 Billie calmly replied. “Alex… had to go and pick up Salome from the airport. She asked if I could sit with you for a while and make sure,” She hesitated for one brief moment but just enough for Matt to notice. “Make sure you were okay, and to keep you company if you woke up.”

“Salome…? Why-?” Matt’s brow crumpled in confusion.

“Florian let her come. Alex and Salome insisted that she would be here. She really wanted to see you and Alex couldn’t say no.” She replied, her voice measured. She quietly took a fizzy drink from her bag that she had with her, unscrewed the cap and took a swig. When she saw the sudden eager look on Matt’s face, she couldn’t help but smile tenderly. “Mate, I’d let you have some but I’m not sure you can. Have to wait and see what your doctor says.”

Matt pouted and threw a smile back in her direction before he could stop himself. He gulped in a quick lung of air and looked away, a little embarrassed. The light moment was gone “Can you get me some water?” He asked, suddenly parched.

Billie stood and grabbed an empty cup from the side of Matt’s bed and walked over to the sink. After she filled it up, she handed it to Matt and sat down again. Matt indulged on the water less carefully than he should have, and ended up choking, spurring himself to a coughing fit. Billie looked at him with concern, but didn’t get up, unsure of what to do. “You alright?

“Yeah” Matt wheezed. His throat burned but he didn’t say anything. After another minute, he composed himself and crumpled the empty cup. He was going to try for a two-pointer but decided against it. Now wasn’t the time.

Billie shifted awkwardly in her chair. “So, uh your mum’s been calling me…” she blushed when Matt suddenly shifted his eyes to her. “She, wants to know how you were doing. I’d told her you’d call…” She pulled her cell from her pocket. “I have her on speed dial, in case, you know... Here.” She gently lobbed the cell over to Matt and slumped back into the chair.

Matt guess that she was expecting him to call his mother right away, so he did. After about three rings, he was almost going to hang up when it picked up on the other end.

“Billie?” Came his mother’s worried voice. “Is everything alright, how is Matt? And David?” At the last part he could hear her breath catch and he hesitated. “Billie?” She was sounding more anxious by the second.

“No, mum. It’s me.” He said. He didn’t realized how relieved he was to hear her voice. He almost smiled, but didn’t, since Billie was watching him. Observing him, maybe? Why?

“Matt! Oh my Gosh my baby! Are you okay? I have been so worried. It’s all over the telly. I saw it before anyone called me. All they said was an actor left the scene with grave injuries but they couldn’t release the name. Baby I was so worried. I couldn’t get ahold of your sister at first but Moffat contacted her and well we are driving out first thing tomorrow, and…”

“Mum!” Matt held up one hand, as if to stop her rambling. Billie looked at him confused. “Mum I’m okay, you don’t need to come to see me, and I’m fine.” He shifted under the lie, not looking at Billie. “Just a head wound. I’m a bit out of it but I…” He paused, choosing his next words carefully. “I’m feeling much better than before. Maybe I might be checked out soon enough.”

“Okay Matt. I believe you. I know how hard things are at the moment but I really need to see you, I am really worried.”

“I promise I’m fine! Please, stay home. There is no need to drop everything to see me.” _What?_ “Just a minor head wound.” He lied again.

She sighed, defeated. “Just at least let your sister come to visit? She was in Cardiff already with a few of her friends. She has been calling non-stop. Very worried about you, and David.” She threw in the last part carefully.

“I am too!” He said suddenly, his face feeling hot. “Mum” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “I am so worried… no one will tell me anything,” He glanced at Billie, who was distracting herself by fiddling with her thumbs. “I just don’t want to overwhelm Billie,” He whispered. “Let’s just take it one step at a time? I just… I want to be here for support.”

It was a long shot, and his head still ached but maybe he would be able to convince the doctor to let him see David, and maybe even go home with Alex. He was so tired of being forced to sleep and awake only hours later, the same nightmares clawing at his insides. He just needed some space to think. Of course he didn’t tell his mother this, it would only increase her worry.

The fact was, that the nightmares were only getting worse. He had only woken up screaming a few times now, Alex always there to hold him as he cried. The skull shattering images of David’s lifeless body would haunt him every time he closed his eyes. He dreaded sleep, and they had to medicate him just so he would get some rest. It had been about twenty eight hours since he last saw David, smiling and taunting him. He slept through about twenty two.

Only just a few hours ago David was listed as critical but serious. It was before Alex had left and she woke up Matt to tell him the news. The only thing it accomplished was making his stomach turn and the urge to relieve himself of his lunch, but he did not say anything. He just cried himself to sleep quietly. He had to look at the up side though, Alex told him. He’s made it through surgery.

He was thrown from his thoughts when his mother responded. Only Billie could see his expression and she looked at him with worry. His mother spoke, “I know, I’m sorry. Just, hang in there okay?” She said, withdrawn. “I will try and call you later. I love you.”

“Mum… I- I Love you too.” He said. After a second or two of quiet, the line went dead and he sat there quietly. He looked at the phone, turning it around in his hands for a minute or two, thinking. Pushing his mother away so quickly? What in the world was wrong with him? He tossed the cell back to Billie and plopped back into the bed, suddenly tired again.

Billie moved to say something but she suddenly stopped herself. She sat back for a few minutes. After a while of awkward silence, and concerned looks, she decided to give Matt some space. She also realized that she needed to get some fresh air. She hadn’t seen the light of day in almost twenty four hours but it felt like years. She also hadn’t slept or ate or anything, but she just couldn’t. Billie was so terribly worried about David and Matt that her stomach just sunk at the mention of food or rest. How could she possibly rest? She blinked away the oncoming tears before Matt noticed. Her whole world was crashing in on itself and she just didn’t know what to do, so she tried her best to hide it from him. But why was he acting afraid of her?

“I’ll let you rest, okay?” Billie finally said before she stood. The tenseness flowing thickly between them. He nodded quietly. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to get a cuppa and I’ll ask the doctor if I can get you one too. You’ll be okay for a second or two?” She shuffled out of the room quietly before he had time to say anything. What did she think of him now? _Bloody coward!_ He punched a fist back into his pillow and shut his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall.


	6. The Blame Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I- I don’t-“ Matt squeezed his eyes shut against the now throbbing pain in his head. Maybe he shouldn't have refused that extra dose of pain killer. “All of this is my fault. I know that. Everyone knows that it should be me over there. No one else would have gotten hurt if it wasn't for me,” he finished in a breathless rush as he sank down again like a deflated balloon.

# Chapter Six

### The Blame Game

 

 A little over forty eight hours and Matt was growing more anxious in every passing minute. To his dismay, they were coming with a disgusting consistency of consciousness. Not that he had any problem being fully awake and not quite so ‘out of it’ anymore, it was just that his nerves were shot and stress limits were nearly unbearable, but he never dared let anyone see it. He still had a tug at the back of his head telling him that something just wasn’t quite right.

He needed a distraction, wanting to hide. So he snuggled closer to Alex who was now cuddled up in his bed with him, and tried to tune out the swarm of people surrounding them. It likely wouldn't work; the crowd was mostly his friends but still making him uneasy and _bloody hell, weren't there hospital regs about too many visitors?_

“During a situation that involves a celebrity, we must take extra precautionary measures to make sure the privacy of the friends and family are respected, and also those of the celebrity.” Matt remembered the doctor telling him. Because of this, the staff had been willing to move Matt into a fairly large single bed family room and bend the rules so they could all sit comfortably and talk amongst themselves without bothersome fans or paps lurking about, fishing for any information they could get their paws on. A security guard was posted at his door and would only allow anyone inside if Matt or Alex approved. Celebrity was a double-edged sword sometimes.

Salome had come to see him straight from the airport but hadn't stayed long. Admitting she was tired and deciding she'd get some sleep and be back first thing in the morning for a proper check-in, Alex had dropped her off at the cast flats and came right back to his arms. Matt was relieved for the temporary quiet, between him and her. But sadly the peace was short lived.

About an hour or so after Alex had returned, people started showing up one after another. Friends and family of David, and Matt. Karen and Arthur were the first to arrive- together naturally. The couple immediately went straight to Matt and smothered him with hugs and questions. To Alex’s displeasure, Karen found it necessary to kiss Matt’s forehead numerous times in greeting. She wouldn't have minded if not for the slight wince he gave in her arms each time Karen did so. Karen didn’t seem to notice, and Matt gave her a little shake of his head when Alex looked at him, so Alex said nothing. Arthur finally cottoned on and led her to a chair out of smooching range.

Then Catherine arrived. She was a muddled mess of sorts, at first demanding to see David. Her actual arrival was heralded by loud complaints that echoed through the hallways until Billie decided to go and talk with her. After a few minutes of muffled conversation, they arrived back in Matt’s room, Catherine looking none too pleased. She sat in a chair against the far wall from Matt's bed and mumbled her hellos.

The circumstances were dreadful but Matt couldn’t help but observe how pretty Catherine Tate was. He knew she was brilliant- familiar with her work despite having never met her in person. Like the rest of the ladies in attendance, she wore no make-up. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her hair was in a sloppy ponytail and the tense worry lines across her face did nothing to light up her features. But under all that Matt could see a beautiful woman with a fiery spirit. True, she wasn't a knockout like Alex or a conventional beauty like Billie, but she was striking and curvy and frankly stunning in a way unique to Catherine.

She was a good friend of David’s. Matt only assumed she would be here from the beginning, but filming on _Big School_ had kept her until now. David would talk about how much fun he had with her on set, and they were in touch constantly, even doing random comedy skits together every once in a while. He had made Matt watch a particular one called ‘ _The Ballad of Russell and Julie_ ’ over and over, which always made him giggle like a little kid, and she would do ‘Lauren Cooper’ for him when he was in a bad mood.  They played off each other flawlessly on stage and screen, and were the perfect ‘acting’ couple. Despite being close to the buxom redhead herself, Billie would sometimes express her jealousy to Matt over the relationship. He had sympathized over his similar feelings regarding Alex's costars, but reminded her (and himself) that their partners always came home to them, and that was what mattered.

Captain Jack himself, also better known as John Barrowman, showed up a short time later. He'd been in the states filming for Arrow when Alex had called with the news. After finishing for the day and making some arrangements with the director, he was able to push all of his scenes to the end of the schedule and hop on the next flight to Wales. And once again, another brilliant former Who member was in front of Matt with a face marred with worry and disappointment. After having a nurse lead him straight to Matt’s room, he immediately walked up to him and offered his hand as greeting. Matt politely shook his hand, and Catherine offered him her seat when he crossed to hug her. Shooting Matt a look, she commented that she couldn't sit around anymore and left the room to pace in the hallway.

Twenty six minutes of awkward conversation later, the final three arrived: John Hurt, Jenna and Steven. They had deliberately delayed so they could have time to talk before seeing Matt. John Hurt and Jenna had only known David for a brief time, but within that time they had come to know him as a great guy. Moffat, however, knew David long before anyone else –excluding Billie. Matt couldn’t help but feel pity for Billie and Moffat, only then realizing that he had been putting himself before anyone else when it came to worrying about David. He knew others cared, but the guilt he felt (and still did not share) was consuming his thoughts.

David’s parents and immediate family were here as well. They'd stopped in for a quick check on Billie and Matt, although they hadn't reappeared when the rest of the crowd had gathered in Matt’s room. They instead elected to stay in their own private sitting room. Matt noticed Billie was reluctant to join them, even after the doctors said that she was considered family and therefore had a right. She instead decided to hang back with the gathering group of people she was more familiar and comfortable with. She was on the small couch next to the window wedged between Moffat and Catherine (who had trailed in after the trio), her head on Moffat’s shoulder as he held her hand, her other arm threaded through Catherine's.

Various tones, tunes and bleeps had been going off for a while, until most of the group decided to only reply to personal texts or just shut their mobiles off completely. David’s family requested that the hospital release no information and they all agreed without hesitation, but the absence of twitter feeds and YouTube videos to distract everyone meant that there were nine people in his room, talking quietly or not at all. Kaz and Arthur were cuddled and silent. Jenna and the elder John were chatting about the impending switch to Capaldi and something about tea in the Time-Space Continuum. Billie, Catherine, Moffat and Barrowman were engrossed in a conversation amongst themselves. Matt thought it rude to try and listen in so he just lay back in his bed and relaxed in Alex’s arms.

Matt had been white as a sheet for a while, eyes sunken in and a pained, lost expression on his taut face. Alex held him and cuddled close, and when she looked at him a few minutes later and observed a slightly relaxed expression, she assumed he had fallen asleep. The pain medicine they had him on currently would not make him drowsy, but she assumed all of the stress and excitement was just a little too much for him to bear right now. Even with him trying to hide it, she knew he was hurting inside more than he had been wounded on the outside, and she wished she could do more to comfort him. He couldn't blame himself. She squeezed his hand and kissed him softly on the lips.

He stirred, a slight smile forming on his face as he opened his eyes. As quickly as it had, it was gone, revealing the depressing frown that threatened to become etched into his face. “I’m awake Alex, sorry. Just resting my eyes.”

“No need to apologize darling.” She kissed him again, trying to ignore the way her heart squeezed when he tensed at the touch. “You need your rest.”

“I’m perfectly fine when it comes to resting.” He responded dully, lifting his head up to look at her. “I've been in and out of a near coma for almost 24 hours. I'm rested, alright?" He drew a deep breath, and his voice was softer when he spoke again, as though the minor outburst had exhausted him. "I cannot possibly understand why you're so worried about me.” He shut his eyes and laid back down with a sigh. "I'm not the one you should be worrying over."

Mindful that his emphatic statement had drawn attention, Alex spoke in a low patient tone. “Matt, I know you're feeling better physically, but I also know you're just getting worse on the inside. You have to try. If not for your sake, if not for mine, then at least try for David's sake." His eyes remained closed to her logical plea, even as she smoothed her fingers over his brow. "You have to understand that it will get better; we just have to hope for the best. You can’t beat yourself up over this, darling,” she said, rubbing his shoulder gently. "What happened was an accident. Tragic, yes, but an _accident_. You had no control over it…” Her voice trailed off as Matt's eyes popped open and pinned her down.

“Alex is right.” Arthur piped in, with a confirming nod from Karen. He fiddled with his thumbs as he continued. “You need to let yourself get better, for David's sake. He needs you, man.” Matt's gaze slid to Arthur's, a trace of confusion visible in the dulling ache. He wasn’t the sentimental type of guy when it came to the serious stuff. He would always shy away. In this particular situation however, his friend was beating himself up and that bothered him too much to ignore. He may not know David very well, but he understood Matt’s kinship with him. It was as similar as the one between him and Karen- minue the snogging sessions. He looked at Karen and then back to Matt. “All of us are here because we care about you Matt. You _and_ David. We’re here for _you_ ”

By this point, the rest of the room had gone silent to listen. Arthur cleared his throat and continued, suddenly feeling the pressure of a dozen mournful eyes on him. “You gotta stay positive. No news is good news right? We are all here to support you and help you through this. You need to help yourself before we can help you.” Karen nodded her approval and reached for Matt’s free hand.

“We’re all family here, just don’t hesitate to speak your mind.” She blinked, and pulled away.

Pushing up to a seated position with the help of Alex, Matt looked around the room to see a bunch of expectant faces. _What do they expect me to say?_ There was one thing he knew _needed_ to be said, even though it'd been said before. “I- I’m so sorry everyone.” His head ached as every eyeball in the room bore into him. Clearly they were shocked by his response. Whatever they had been expecting, it certainly wasn’t _that_.

“Sorry? Sorry for what?” Jenna asked. She was on the left of his bed near the door, sitting with John Hurt. She heard Matt speak and was confused. “Why are you sorry, Matt?”

“I- I don’t-“ Matt squeezed his eyes shut against the now throbbing pain in his head. _Maybe he shouldn't have refused that extra dose of pain killer._  “All of this is my fault. I know that. Everyone knows that it should be me over there. No one else would have gotten hurt if it wasn’t for me,” he finished in a breathless rush as he sank down again like a deflated balloon.

All mouths were gaping at him for a few deathly quiet moments, then a rush of noise invaded the space. Everyone began talking at once. Some voices angry, others shocked. A few were calm. Matt tried to will the cacophony out of his head as he sank deeper into his pillows.

“It was _not_ -“

“What did you-“

“… did you?”

“Matt, you-“

“… no way-”

“…unbelievable!”

“ An accident-“

Matt began to feel claustrophobic and his breathing became heavy. Alex noticed the little blip on his monitor and squeezed him tight in a hug. She covered his ear, shielding him as she snapped, loud enough for everyone to hear her over the din. “Shut up! All of you! You're only making it worse.” Her eyes were fierce, and her temper flared. “Bantering Matt is the last thing we need to do right now. He is trying to recover from a serious head injury and now he’s just dealing with the guilt of believing this is all of his fault.”

Everyone else stopped, but Catherine piped in, stabbing a finger towards Matt and ignoring the warning. “I want to know why he seems to think it’s his fault.”  She stood, taking a step forward to Matt’s bed, her face was flustered and her eyes angry. Billie tried to grab her arm but she simply pulled away. “Why is it your fault that this has happened? Well boy? Speak!”

Matt winced when Catherine yelled the last words, and Alex was about to stand and give her what for before Karen stood and placed herself between the other redhead and the bed. “Oi! You leave him alone,” she ordered as she pointed a finger of her own. “Matt doesn’t have to answer to you. In fact, he doesn’t have to answer to _anyone_!” She looked around, daring anyone to challenge her statement.

Jenna and Mr. Hurt were on their feet, intentions unknown as they glanced between Karen, Catherine and Matt like a particularly engrossing tennis match. John and Steven were now standing between the fuming redheads, faces stern but otherwise unreadable. Only Billie and Arthur kept their seats as they balanced attention between the groups.

“That's where you're wrong, little madam,” Catherine spat in Karen’s direction. “Somebody needs to answer for this, because it’s obviously somebody’s fault that this happened. Accident or no, David is in there dying because of somebody's careless actions.” Karen glared back, but said nothing. Catherine turned her attention back to Matt. “So, was it an accident or was it your fault?”

“Look, okay stop it Catherine! If we’re going to start playing the blame game, you might as well blame me!” All eyes turned to Moffat and Catherine picked up her dropped jaw with an audible snap “The poor maintenance on the roof was partly my responsibility. After the boys continuously nagged me about it, something should have been done. They said it was going to be fine but I-“

“You what, exactly?” Barrowman turned to look at Moffat, his blue eyes suddenly ice cold. “You let it be?”

“Well I wasn’t-“ Moffat raised his hands and took a step back, strangely afraid Barrowman was going to take a swing at him.

“Wasn’t bothered enough about it to care.” Billie finished for him in a soft sad voice, not moving from her spot. Steven looked at her, apology heavy in his eyes. “You were too damn busy to care properly. Can't muss the schedule. Filming comes first, right?” She finally stood and took a step towards the miserable looking writer. Alex became faintly aware that Matt started to tremble beneath her. She inadvertently shifted her eyes to the monitors and then back again, her whole body tensed as she watched the scene unfold right in front of her.

“Are we seriously doing this right now?” Alex mumbled.

“Billie no, don’t-“ Jenna began, crossing the room in a heartbeat. She grabbed Billie by the arms and looked her dead in the eye, despite the 3 inch height difference. “Don’t. It’s not his fault. He didn’t know. No one knew.”

Mr. Hurt had been silent until now, observing and assessing through his filter of age and experience. “Except that he did know.” His gruff voice cut through the tension like a knife. “We all knew. For at least a month now, we knew. A leak in the roof meant some sort of damage, right? But no one knew how bad it was.” He coughed by way of conclusion and stepped back again, unwilling to include himself into the scuffle.

“It is still my fault.” Moffat scorned himself. “It was just so simple.” He continued, while Barrowman continued to glare daggers. “A leak in the roof, I had maintenance check it out, they said it would be okay. It might get bigger until it was fixed, but all things considered, it was perfectly fine.”

“You call _this_ perfectly fine?!” Jenna leapt back as Catherine and Billie screeched at the same time, gesturing to Matt in the bed. Billie stopped and drew in a deep breath to steady herself, while Catherine continued to yell. “How the bloody hell is this any sort of fine?” She was bellowing by now, her voice thick with accent and emotion.

Cautious of nursing staff bursting in about the commotion, Arthur decided to interject. “Maybe we should just tone it down a little, eh?” His voice was quietly worried. He winced when he received a few glares for his trouble, which were promptly thrown back by Karen.

“Arthur is right- you all need to take a moment and calm down,” Alex agreed as she continued trying to soothe Matt, sweat now beginning to form on his brow. “This isn’t what David would want, the lot of us fighting with each other- and you know it. I think we just need to take a breather--”

“That would be nice, I’d _love_ to take a breather while my best friend is _dying.”_   Catherine shot back sarcastically. She crossed her arms and let out a vicious snort.

“I didn’t mean-“ Alex began but once again, Catherine spoke over her.

“Fine then. So it's your fault, is it, Mr. 'I know best'?... Well, alright. What should we do now,” she asked, her eyes fierce. John and Alex looked at Steven too. He opened his mouth to speak, but Billie's voice beat him to it.

“I for one would love to hear what Matt has to say.” Her arms were wrapped around herself in a comforting (or perhaps restraining) posture, eyes on the scuffed floor, and her voice was low- soft, sad, dangerous. All eyes turned to her. “Even with the roof matter solved, he's still the real reason this happened. Matt wouldn't move, so David had to push him out of the way of the falling debris and that’s how he pinned. That's how David got hurt." In a reverse of their earlier exchange, Catherine placed a restraining hand on Billie's arm, but the girl shook her off as her eyes shifted up to Matt. "I saw _everything_. It was _you_.” she spat in a cold tone that chilled everyone in the room. Her voice suddenly quaked when she looked at him. Alex felt Matt shiver harshly as if Billie were burning a hole into him with her eyes. He curled into her and whimpered, nodding ever so faintly.

“Billie, please.” Alex begged as she moved Matt to a laying position, considerably more aware that he had grown very warm beneath her. Stray tears streamed down his face and he winced at her touch, refusing to open his eyes to the verbal abuse from all around him.

“Don’t you dare,” Arthur growled, having heard enough. “Don’t you _dare!_ ” He repeated it a little louder as he stood and moved to stand beside Karen. “You leave him out of this. He is _not_ taking the blame for this!” His hand found Karen's without looking, and the former Ponds stood glaring, acting as a shield between the biting blonde and the pair in the bed.

Temporarily pardoned, Steven looked on helplessly as his family faced off like soldiers on opposite sides. For a man of so many words, he had no idea what to say now. He cast a nervous glance of appeal at Jenna, where she stood behind Billie, just outside the line of fire. She looked just as clueless as he felt.

“This is ridiculous,” Catherine finally said, cutting into the thick silence. Her voice was raised a pitch higher than normal, and she swallowed before speaking again. “Just tell us what happened, _Steven,_ ” she implored. “You keep avoiding the sodding–“

“Matt?!” A frantic voice interrupted, and Catherine broke off to look in the direction the voice had come from. “Matt?!” Alex cried again as she shook the unresponsive man, to no avail. Matt began to tremble violently underneath her hands and Barrowman pulled her stunned self from the bed into his arms. Everyone gasped at the shocking sight in the bed.

He was sweating profusely, soaking the blankets that covered him. His breathing was ragged and uneven. His fists were clenched tightly and he was curled into a ball as if to protect himself from something- or _someone._ Tears streamed from his closed eyes as his face contorted in pain, and the rapidly bleeping monitors announced that his heart was racing fast. Too fast. Fast enough to hurt. Maybe fast enough to kill...

The tension in the room was gone in seconds, the glares nonexistent and quarrels forgotten. Once more, voices filled the room, a jumbled mess of shouts and cries.

“Matt!" Alex screamed, before she and Billie pled in unison, “Someone get help!”

"Good God," Mr. Hurt breathed out, though it was unclear if he were commenting or praying.

“Jesus, Matt hang in there.” Barrowman commanded, his voice shot with worry, the anger in his eye completely gone. His hold on Alex tightened without thought when more alarms started blaring.

Karen cried like the Lake Silencio scene all over again while Arthur held her and murmured, "Come on, man. Come on, Matt. Come on..."

Feet pounding in the hallway nearly drowned out Jenna's quiet questions. “What's going on? What happened?” But the nurses were ushering everyone out of the room before anyone could answer. Alex wrenched herself from John's arms and refused to leave; the nurse took one look at her eyes- wild with panic and determination- and let her stay.

A doctor- calm in the chaos- appeared and began issuing orders. Catherine was trying to pull Billie along with her, but the blonde curled into a ball near the wall, wailing apologies, and after a minute or so, the doctor convinced Catherine to step outside without her.

The ejected redhead let a slew of impressive curse words ring out once the doors closed behind her.


	7. Setback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yes,” Barrowman said. “It makes sense, I’ve seen it happen before.” When the group eyed him, he explained. “A college of mine who was injured on a set we were working several years back. It wasn’t nearly as bad as this, but he couldn’t continue acting anymore because he became so afraid. The injury just... changed him.” He plowed both hands through his short dark hair before lacing his fingers behind his head and sighing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter took so long to get in, I have been really sick. Hope you guys are enjoying so far.

# Chapter Seven

### Setback

 

 One long and gut wrenching hour later, Doctor James lead the group of friends back into the room quietly. He informed them that Matt was stabilized after the setback and they had to run a few tests on him. He explained the situation to them with that annoyingly cold medical detachment.

“Cerebral hemorrhage is possible in cases like this, however can sometimes be overlooked. The trauma to his head was significant, but our initial examination did not show any intracranial bleeds.” The doctor spoke to the nervous crowd standing, scattered amongst the room.

Alex and Billie clung to each other, their faces tense and tear-stained. They hadn't left the room since Matt's episode. The rest simply stood in clusters of stunned silence, absorbing the information. No one made eye contact with anyone else; the room was fraught with tension. “We think stress could've exacerbated the injury. Stress and shock can progress symptoms rapidly, causing pain, fluctuations in body temperature, seizures; in some cases, the patient can become delusional.

“Now, the window for this to become life-threatening is typically forty eight hours, but I’m going to play it safe and observe him just a little while longer because we began treatment so recently. Luckily, we were able to catch it early enough that surgery won't be necessary.

“We started him on antihypertensive therapy, and dosed him up with paracetamol to help with the hyperthermia, and to relieve the headache.”

Reactions in the room divided between sighs of relief and gasps at the grave seriousness of the situation. The doctor waited for things to settle before checking the chart and looking back to Alex, who despite her background on ER was hopelessly lost on medical jargon. Luckily, the doctor was translating for the room. When she spoke up, her voice was calm and low. “What is antihypertensive therapy?”

“It’s recommended to stabilize the mean arterial pressure” When he received confused looks, he explained. “Uh, sorry. Blood pressure.”

The doctor glanced at people hovering around him. When he looked at Catherine, his tone shifted from calm detachment to scornful annoyance. “If I may go off the record by saying that it probably didn’t help that all of you bloody fools were shouting at each other, scaring him half to death!” He spoke low but sternly, allowing a glare to everyone in the room but the two women before him. A few of them looked as though they might argue their involvement, and Catherine went so far as to open her mouth.

Doctor James held up a hand as if to block her. “No! I don't care who was or was not 'actually' involved. You were all here. And celebrity status be damned- I've half a mind to kick all of you out of my hospital right now, if it wasn’t swarmed with photographers!” The doctor took in the expressions of shame and sadness, and drew a deep breath to regain his composure. His gaze went to the still figure in the bed and he sighed. "If you're going to be here, be here for him.”

“Will he be alright?” Barrowman spoke up. He was wary of the sight in the bed, and of the people that surrounded it. Matt was recovering from sedation, once again. His head was wrapped in fresh bandages and blankets were pulled back below his waist, revealing his chest and all of the stickers with wires that flowed out in all directions like some strange alien creature. What was most concerning however, was that his breathing was being assisted from a tube that ran from his mouth to a machine that would make an occasional bleeping sound. No matter how many times he heard it, he would still jump slightly at each tone. He swallowed, a bitter aftertaste of guilt his mouth.

The doctor looked at him, his eyes distant and tired. “It took us a while to stabilize him but we ended on a good note, which is far more than I can say for my other patient.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, knowing he couldn't reveal details of David's condition without consent. “As for Matt, he _should_ be okay.. “He will be okay, once he wakes up, we can take him off of the breathing assistance, and he will be out of it for a while. We only had to intubate him because he was unable to breathe on his own, but he is recovering as well as can be expected after a setback like this.” He placed the chart he was holding back on the side of the hospital bed and started walking out of the room. Before he was out of sight, he turned around to say one more thing.

“I have to insist you please refrain from stressing him out when he eventually comes to. Head trauma is tricky enough without people piling even more stress on him. He could be dealing with some serious emotional damages right now because of this, you all need to take it into consideration. I understand every one of you are extremely upset and worried but fighting and yelling is not the answer, so you need to stop.” He added a last part. “If you endanger my patient again, I’ll be more than willing to feed you to the dogs.” He nodded his head to the front of the hospital and walked out. The nurse looked at Alex and Billie but said nothing, quickly following the doctor out of the room.

Alex managed a "thank you, Doctor" before the door closed completely and her gaze returned to Matt. She did not move when Billie slipped away to find a seat near the wall.

The group was left to deal with the awkward silence that dragged. Karen and Arthur had pulled up a couple of chairs directly next to Matt’s bed and were sitting quietly, refusing to look at anyone. Catherine stood at one corner of the room, biting her nails, looking from her shoes to the hallway and back again. Alex stood to the other side of Matt with Mr. Hurt and Jenna close by her side. John took a seat next to Billie under the window, one arm around her shoulders. Moffat simply paced the room. No one dared say a word for the longest time, and the occasional glare was thrown about.

Billie was a bit jumpy and would bounce up at random to pace for a while before flopping back down, guilt and sympathy stamped on her face. The whole room was glum as they watched a machine breathe for their friend.

A few hours had passed when Mr. Hurt broke the silence asking if anyone wanted some coffee. He was becoming restless and mentioned needing to take a walk. A few nodded to his offer and others made requests. Jenna opted to go with him to help and Catherine asked for chips. Neither Billie nor Alex asked for anything and he simply shrugged, walking out with Jenna close at his heels.

“He’s really cold.” Karen mumbled when the two were out of sight. She placed a hand on Matt’s arm and stroked it. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled as she felt his icy cold fingers.

As if on cue, Arthur stood and grabbed the blanket and pulled it completely over top of Matt’s chest placing it on him gently, as to not disturb the wires or stickers. His hands trembled as they hovered over him, and he pulled them back suddenly. He sat, folding them tightly together mumbling something about it being a good idea to ask for more blankets. He half hugged Karen in an attempt to calm his nerves as well as hers.

John abandoned the fidgety Billie and drew up a chair to the foot of the bed. The relative silence was sending him a bit spare. He didn’t know what to say, so naturally he asked the first question that popped into his mind. “Was he this bad when he came in?” As soon as the words were out, he noted the startled looks of the three around the bed and cursed himself. _Dick move, John_

“No.” Came Moffat’s simple reply. He was still pacing, stopping only occasionally to look at Matt and out into the hallway for whatever known reason. “No, they ran some test on him, cleaned up the injury and said he was going to be fine. That he wouldn’t have any lasting effects.” He shook his head, paced a few more steps, and continued. “Said he might take a week or so to recover- but he seems to be getting worse by the hour."

Alex peeled her eyes from Matt to look over as Steven, stunned. Her voice was low and worried as she asked, “Did he really hit his head so hard that it could do something like this? From what I was told he was just shoved out of the way and hit his head on a wall, but he was conscious the whole time. He passed out a few minutes later, but what else could have happened?" She shook her head, clearly confused as she turned back to Matt. "We must have missed something.”

A hollow sounding voice issued from the back of the room.  “When he was pushed, Alex, he dived head first into the wall. The TARDIS- I mean the set was completely done in for the scene… it wasn’t any flimsy cardboard. He was thrown from the center all the way to the stairs give or take about a ten foot distance, and nothing was there to break his fall. David had a running start, he really was trying to knock him out of the way quickly.” Oblivious to the captivated stares she was receiving from the room's conscious occupants, Billie clicked her tongue and sniffled. “The roof had already collapsed by then and David just couldn’t get out of the way in time. I saw everything leading up to that.”

“Yes we know you saw everything, Billie.” Karen cut in dryly. “You have already told us that once today.” Arthur squeezed Karen’s shoulder and shushed her.

Billie didn’t respond to the jab, seemingly fascinated with her poorly tied shoelaces. Before anyone else had a chance, Moffat spoke up again, turning the conversation back a bit. “Alex, the EMT officer who responded to the scene mentioned the possibility for some behavior abnormalities. He showed signs of it when he came to, after... the first time he collapsed. I just assumed the adrenaline was in overdrive and he was pushing himself too hard. But that doesn't... it can’t explain all of this.” He gestured to Matt, and let out a defeated sigh. “I just don’t know anymore.”

“Oh.” Alex responded. She gently placed a hand on Matt’s forehead and stroked it, willing his eyes to open and that brilliant smile of his to flash “So… it’s playing on emotions? The injury and the guilt, and then the stress,” She pointed to no one in particular, “has only made it worse?” Alex recounted her time on the set of E.R. but couldn’t recall a similar situation. _God, we are idiots._

“Yes,” Barrowman said. “It makes sense, I’ve seen it happen before.” When the group eyed him, he explained. “A college of mine who was injured on a set we were working several years back. It wasn’t nearly as bad as this, but he couldn’t continue acting anymore because he became so afraid. The injury just... changed him.” He plowed both hands through his short dark hair before lacing his fingers behind his head and sighing.

 “I see,” Alex mumbled distractedly, slipping one hand beneath the covers to fit inside Matt's chilled one. She fought back tears as she continued to stroke his forehead. _Were they going to lose them both?_ Quickly pushed the thought out of her head and focused on her breathing.

A nurse strode in, and walked to the bed, clearly not noticing the scene in the room. “Alright, I’m just here to check Mr. Smith’s vitals. I’ll only be a minute.” She took the chart from the side of the bed and wrote a few things down with examining the monitors. “Good. I can see his body temperature is almost back to normal. It also looks like his blood pressure is going down. Yes.” She finished writing and placed the chart back. “Mrs. Kingston, Matt is coming along nicely.” She smiled. “He should wake soon. He might be a little confused, just call us when he does, okay?” When Alex nodded, the nurse left the room quietly.

Catherine had made her way to the end of the bed without anyone noticing, riding on the distraction of the nurse. She almost turned heels and backed away but decided against it.

When she cleared her throat, Barrowman practically jumped out of his skin. “Ah, sorry.” She blushed. “Didn’t mean to startle you. I was- Just checking up on Matt, seeing how he was doing.” Her gaze was distant and she half mumbled, not making eye contact with anyone.

Karen’s body had stiffened at the intrusion but she remained quiet, still refusing to look at anyone. Arthur hugged her tighter, whispering something only she could hear. She relaxed into his hold, dropping her head onto his shoulder, as her hand felt for Matt’s and squeezed. For some reason she suddenly looked up to Matt’s face and then back to his hand, then simply shook her head.

For a few minutes, she lingered, deciding on whether to say anything more. When Mr. Hurt and Jenna returned from their errand, she was grateful for the distraction as she grabbed her coffee and chips. Sick of shifting her weight on the balls of her feet, Catherine found a seat a few feet from John, out of Karen's eye line.

Munching on a few of her chips, she was about to speak when Alex suddenly startled, and she clamped her mouth shut instantly. Catherine surged to her feet, slightly off balance after moving so quickly; John surprised them both by steadying her with a hand beneath her elbow. Everyone else was on their feet in a matter of seconds, chairs clattering with their sudden abandonment.

“What is it?” Billie asked urgently, eyes shifting from Matt’s rising and falling chest, to the monitors, to Alex and back again. She grew confused when she noticed no change. “Alex, what’s wrong?”

“He’s just squeezed my hand- and look! His eyes, he is awake. Someone get the doctor.” Alex asked urgently and Moffat was out of the room before she finished talking.

* * *

 

Matt groggily blinked the sleep out of his eyes, looking at all the faces that were around him. He grimaced at the taste of plastic in his mouth and moved to protest but found that he could not speak. The world around him was slowly becoming steady and the stars that danced around above his head started to dissipate.

As he became more aware of his surroundings, he heard voices, felt hands and began to see clearly. The tube in his mouth was now noticeable and he began to panic. Things were happening all around him now and the world spun as memories slammed into him once more.

“Mr. Smith if you can hear me, I need to you squeeze my hand.” Came a male voice, one that he recognized. He squeezed with all of his strength, announcing his discomfort to the obstruction and all of the prying fingers. He struggled beneath what felt like a heavy weight on his chest. “Mr. Smith. Matt! Please calm down. You have a tube breathing for you." The panic swirled again, but the doctor's voice made it through the din. "Listen! I’m going to take the tube out now. When you feel it start to move, I need you to cough really hard, okay? Ready?" Matt nodded, fighting back tears. "Here we go.”

Matt did as he was told and coughed out so hard it sent him sitting straight up. The tube was out of his mouth now but he continued to cough, his whole body shook in response. Bile rose to his throat but before he even gagged, a kidney dish was underneath his face. He emptied the contents of his stomach while someone rubbed his back gently. After a minute or so, feeling completely empty, he fell backwards onto the bed, breathing in and out deeply until his world came wildly into focus.

“Water?” He croaked. The freezing texture of ice chips touched his lips almost instantly and he happily swallowed them. “What’s happened?” He managed after a few seconds.

“Matt, can you tell me how you are feeling? Let me see your eyes. Okay.” The doctor clicked on a small flashlight and pointed the light into each of his eyes. “Looks good. Tell me what you are seeing right now Matt. Any blotchiness or black spots in your vision?”

“No” He mumbled.

“Good, that’s great news. How does your head feel?” Matt laid there uncomfortably as two nurses checked over him. A prick of annoyance touched his thoughts.

“My head feels like it’s under water.” He said, being completely honestly,  and noting the dull throbbing. It didn’t hurt, it just felt like his entire chest crawled up into it and claimed it as its new source of blood flow. He moved his arms up to rub his eyes and noticed all of the little wires strewn about. “What in the world…”

“Don’t worry Mr. Smith, you just had a small setback, a little more than we anticipated. For now, you should be perfectly fine besides the wooziness.” He fiddled around with his chart, writing stuff quickly.

“Oh, Matt!” Alex rushed through the collections of nurses and the doctor to envelop Matt into a hug. He winced and she pulled back, observing him cautiously. “Matt! I was so worried, how are you feeling?” She asked. Karen and Arthur hovered over him expectantly, Jenna and the Johns stood near his periphery, medical personnel abounded and Matt simply blinked; he didn't know what to make of the scene. _Why are they all looking at me like that? Oh. Right._

“I’m fine, I just- little dizzy.” He answered, trying to sit up. With help from one of the nurses, Matt managed to find the controls to the bed and lift it slightly. It was then that he saw Billie and Catherine standing at the back of the room. All three averted their gaze simultaneously. Karen noticed the exchange and moved in between his line of sight, and Matt was somewhat put off by this. He moved uncomfortably in the bed as the nurses continued to squawk over him.

Within just a few minutes, Matt’s head was completely and surprisingly lucid as he searched through each face, still trying to understand what all of the fussing was about. An invisible surge of annoyance plowed through his body and he spit out the aftertaste of vomit. He wanted to be free of all of the poking and prodding and questions and _where the hell did his shirt go?_ He stared down at his bare chest and grumbled.

"You had us worried, Smithers.” She smiled, letting it fall a bit as she went on. “We're very sorry about earlier.” Matt nodded but didn't respond. Arthur gave his shoulder a squeeze and Matt winced. Arthur pulled back and mumbled an apology. Karen looked at him, puzzled. “Are you okay?”  The look on his face worried her and she glanced at Arthur. She placed a hand on his arm and did not budge when he tried to pull away.

“Fine, I’m fine. I just-” Matt mumbled again, almost annoyed. “Can I talk to Billie please?” He moved to try and look at Billie again but he couldn’t stretch very far before the nurse cautioned him, informing him that it might be best for him to just relax. “Just want to know what is going on. Where is Billie?” He asked. A nurse came around his left side and started to adjust a new IV that wasn’t in his arm the last time he could remember.

“For God's sake will you all stop hovering?!” He paused a minute at the strange sound of his voice, before continuing, slightly calmer. "Just... give me some room to breathe, okay?” He drew in a few deep breaths, then flung the covers off. He pulled away from the nurse and tugged at his IV weakly. _Where is this coming from?_

“I just want to talk to Billie” he said, words tumbling out of his mouth. What he really lucid, or was he manic? His face contorted in anger. Matt found himself struggling against restraining arms as he tried to get up. Had he looked around, he'd have noticed the questioning expressions nearly everyone was wearing. What was he doing? “Billie” he said, his face contorted in anger. “Billie!”

Billie looked at him, unable to respond. Matt wanted to speak with her? She couldn’t possibly understand why, after what she had said to him earlier. Catherine clutched her protectively as she puzzled over his bizarre behavior. All she could do was sit and gape at him while the nurse instructed him to sit still and calm down.

Billie stood back and decided it would be best not to confront him, at least until he calmed down.  She wondered what he wanted. Her and Catherine exchanged looks; she being just as confused.

Matt finally settled down a bit- either too exhausted to fight anymore or having given in to the realization it wasn't going to work. Alex took his hand and stroked his brow gently to help him stay calm. She looked to Arthur and Karen and noticed they all wore the same expression: poorly concealed worry. Had Matt really just tried to lash out? The whole room was on edge.

Just as things began to settle, the doctor was being summoned out of the room just as quickly as he had come in. He briefly talked with a nurse and left hesitantly.

Before he left, he made sure to tell the nurse to watch over Matt and observe his abnormal behavior. He was adamant about speaking to Matt but apparently something more urgent was calling for him, and everyone was caught up in the fuss about Matt to notice. A lot was happening at once; nurses rushing about and Matt voicing his complaints about needing some space and being hungry as a horse. Somehow Barrowman and Catherine had noticed the doctor’s sudden departure and they found each other’s eyes, both curious and a little alarmed.

Unable to take the tension, Billie headed into the hallway for a while. She was just getting ready to head back in when the doctor returned. "Ms. Piper? We need to talk."

Back in the room, Matt had finally started to relax and Alex, John, Jenna, Mr. Hurt, Arthur and Karen took the opportunity to talk with him. Catherine hung back, eventually drawn into the conversation by John and Arthur.

When Billie came back in, Karen was the first to notice and she caught Alex's eye. Confident everyone else was distracted by the conversation, she gave a little nod in the blonde's direction. Alex excused herself and went to talk to Billie, who figured it was best to keep a little distance from Matt, and drew them into the far corner to share her news.

“They’re letting us in to see David now. His condition hasn’t changed much at all, but his parents thought that a visit from some friends might help. Dr. James said we have to be prepared though, for what we are going to see. It's supposed to be pretty rough.” She paused and looked at Matt, who sat unaware of the bombshell threatening to explode. “We can get the others later, but I suggest we wait and see for ourselves before we say anything to Matt.”


	8. What's to Come.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex shuffled in awkwardly, looking around at everyone in the room. She sees David’s mum and smiles sympathetically. Unsure of what to say, what to do or event what to see, Alex simply stands there at the door. Given enough room to finally see David, she sighs a dreaded breath as she looks him over.

# Chapter Eight

### What to Expect

 

The wait was long. It stretched on for miles like a desert- no comfort in sight. Alex excused herself from Matt’s side, proclaiming she needed to go and check up on Salome and get washed up. She hated lying to Matt but she feared telling him the truth right now would only get him worked up and upset, and that was the last thing she wanted him to be going through. Again. It had been agony to see him like that; for a while, she'd really thought she was going to lose him. She couldn't bear that; she didn't know how Billie could stand the thought either.

While waiting for Billie to return from a coffee run, Alex consulted the clock at the end of the dimly lit hallway and did some figuring. It had been about... fifty hours since this whole ordeal started and she had been here for thirty one. She had slept with Matt for about six of them, yet for some reason she wasn’t really tired. She'd even turned down caffeine, partly because she didn't need it to stay awake, and partly because she was worried the combination of hospital sludge and anxiety would turn her stomach.

She quietly fiddled with her hands standing next to the door in the hallway. Her nerves bothered her even more while she was alone, and she quietly wished Billie would return before the doctor came to them. She thanked herself internally for declining the offer for some coffee.

A few minutes later Billie came back, hand clenched around a steaming paper cup, and stood by Alex, who was winding one curl around her index finger like a compulsion. Billie sipped at her coffee, made a face, waited a while, and then repeated the process. They didn't talk. They just held the wall up together and waited.

Eventually Billie tossed the dregs out and wound her fingers together, annoyed that she'd given up something to occupy her hands. David was on the other side of this door and the longer it took the doctor to come out, the worse she imagined the news was going to be. Unable to take standing still, she paced a few minutes then gave up and flopped into the nearest chair. Her stomach turned into little knots but as time wore on, she felt herself getting used to the feeling. It hardly bothered her anymore- not that she felt any better about things. Alex seemed to understand though, and when Billie managed to tear her eyes from the door, they had a silent conversation of compassion and solidarity. The Sisterhood of the God- awful Hospital Experience.

The doctor had led them to the ICU and told them to wait for a few minutes while he spoke with David’s family. Billie wanted to protest but she was quickly reminded that she had opted out of being considered immediate family. So they waited for what seemed like an eternity – but in reality had only been fifteen minutes – to be able to see David for the first time.

The doctor finally emerged from the room, chart in hand and sorrow in tow. He took the two women off to the side and spoke with them quietly. He told them everything they knew and how they were going to continue to support David in any way possible.

David came to us pretty broken. The exact details are probably a bit graphic for you, but what we know right now, is that he is alive. That’s huge” He looked at the disheartened women and continued to talk. “There is an abundance of cuts, bruises, fractures, breaks... “ He paused to clear his throat. “Severe head trauma... and internal injuries.” Going a bit pale, Alex and Billie looked at each other, joined hands, then turned back to the doctor. “The list is long… I'm not sure any of us is up to it right now. But the main thing is the injuries he sustained to the head. They're... well honestly they're far worse than I’ve seen someone come back from.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and drew in a deep breath and only then did Alex notice how tired and unhappy he was. She wanted to reach out and hug the man, but Billie’s hand gripped hers so tight, it felt like if she moved, the poor child would crumble into a million pieces. Memories flashed of the scene in Who where her hand was stuck in the weeping angel’s grip, and she shuddered.

Billie asked what that meant and Alex was instantly sorry. The doctor explained until Alex could swear Billie was going to squeeze her hand until it fell off. He mentioned spinal damages, internal bleeding and significant blood loss, the potential effect on motor function among other things. “And this is all against the rapidly dwindling probability of him waking up. He could already…”

“No he couldn't,” Billie cut in bluntly. “There's no way. He's just... not.” She shook her head and her gaze fell to the floor, her jaw clenched.

The doctor tried again, in a soft, sympathetic tone. “Miss Piper, you have to consider the possibility-”

“No, not really. I really don’t.” Billie let go of Alex to cross her arms under her chest. Alex massaged the life back into her hand as a sudden rush of blood made it go tingly and watched as Billie continued to glare at the doctor, daring him to speak another word. Her conviction was impressive- you had to give her that. If a stubborn refusal to accept something could change it, David would be fine in no time.

The doctor hesitated to speak again, and Alex spoke up quietly in the lull.  “We’d like to see him now, if that’s possible.” She shifted her weight when they both looked at her but the doctor simply nodded and gestured to the door. “His parents are already inside with him, they have told me that you can come in.”

The ladies hesitated until Billie was the first to move, she walked to the door and opened it slowly. What they walked into was like a scene from a nightmare. Billie’s hand clutched the doorknob and Alex for a moment thought she would crush it. But she didn't notice that she stood unmoving in the doorway, didn't remember the woman following. She didn't notice anything beyond the sight in the bed. It mattered little to her, her gaze instantly transfixed on to the sight that sent her head spiraling in all different sorts of directions she couldn’t quite understand.

Wires and tubes and gauze and beeps and noise and silence. All of it rattled through her mind and she had to blink a few times before it registered. The sole coherent thought in her head was, ‘That’s not David.’ But it was. _It really was_. _And it scared her to death._

He was attached to an ungodly amount of machinery. One eye and his head down to the brow was covered in gauze splotched with dried blood. What could be seen under the blankets was covered in bandages and casts. His left leg was in a traction harness; both arms were so bound up only the tips of his fingers were visible. His visible eye sunk in so sharply, his hair matted to his head in sweat. It was David, for sure. She didn’t know how she knew, she just did.

“David?” Billie squeaked, startling the two figures huddled into the dark corner of the room. _David’s parents._ She had not seen them when she first walked in. They looked at her but said nothing. She shuffled her feet at the eye contact and looked away quickly and quietly, unsure of why. The sight of his mum and dad almost threw her over the edge and she was about to burst out in tears. She finally gathered enough strength to unhook her hand from the door. She took two steps- not daring anymore - into the room, composing herself and allowing Alex room to walk in beside her.

Alex shuffled in awkwardly, looking around at everyone in the room. She sees David’s mum and smiles sympathetically. Unsure of what to say, what to do or event what to see, Alex simply stands there at the door. Given enough room to finally see David, she sighs a dreaded breath as she looks him over.

It was almost a mirror reflection of Matt, as she had seen him just several minutes ago; only worse. Much worse. Her heart fluttered as her eyes regretfully drank it all in, a scene that would be etched into her mind for the rest of her days.

His face was almost unrecognizable. A bandage completely covering his left eye, also stained with dried blood. A scar from the lobe of his right ear trailed all the way down to his chin. It looked as though it had been stitched up. His face, completely relaxed, showing signs of no pain, yet blank. Alex pointed out each and every scar but she lost count, observing his bare chest. It was obvious that David was on complete life support. Some machines were breathing for him; others spoke for him. IV tubes bearing colored liquids ran over the bed like lines on a road map, an endless amount of connections impossible to follow to an end.

He didn't seem quite... real... or alive. _Could he possibly already be de-_ She shook the terrible thoughts out of her head. She couldn't let herself think like that.

Alex walked up to David and placed a hand on to his arm, only to pull back at the shock of how cold he seemed in spite of the blankets. A stray tear slipped down her face as she reached out again, fighting down the urge to run from the room. She briefly wondered if he could feel her, then let her mind try to reach his. _Are you still with us? Oh David please still be with us. Matt needs you. We need you. Please don’t give up. You have to fight. You have to stay..._

Alex gazed upon his broken body as she remembered her and David recording “Silence in the Library. “ It was her first on screen performance on Who and her only one with David. He was a sweet guy and he got along quite well with Matt. She was sad to see him in this state and could only think what this would do to Matt if he saw this. Numerous beeps and bleeps tore her from her thoughts and brought her back to the terrible reality in front of her.

More tears threatened to follow as she recalled his smiling face and adorable laugh. His never give up attitude and the way he made her laugh. The times when he’d watch Salome while she and Matt would go out on their date nights. Memories flooded her mind and the tears fell freely now. At the time she didn’t care who or what was looking at her, or what they thought of her.

“Why?” Alex turned to a tear stricken Billie when she thought she heard her speak, but was surprised to find it was her own voice asking the question. She stood in the complete silence, looking back and forth between David and the young fragile blonde. Billie had still not moved from her spot by the door and she had her eyes closed, shaking her head in disbelief. Or simply in response to Alex’s silent question; she couldn't tell.

The silence in the room stretched and grew, and finally Alex had to escape. She excused herself and edged around Billie, touching her shoulder as she passed. The younger woman didn't acknowledge the gesture, or seem to notice her departure. Alex didn’t mind, in only made it easier to leave her without feeling bad.

As she closed the door behind her, a small dark figure suddenly shadowed over her. She whipped around, a hand over her suddenly racing heart.

“Oh, Steven.” Her heart, just beginning to settle, kicked back into high gear. "Oh, no. Matt. Is everything okay?” She swallowed dryly.

He held up a hand to calm her. “Yes, he's fine. He's... resting.” Alex breathed a sigh of relief. Steven rubbed the back of his neck in the awkward silence that followed, fumbling his words when he finally spoke again. “So, David… is he…?” The voice trailed off, leaving his meaning unclear, so Alex answered what she thought he was trying to ask.

“No.” She considered the question then corrected her response. “I mean… I don’t know. Dr. James said they're going to runs some tests on his brain activity. But if they come back negative…” The words caught in her throat. There was no way to finish that sentence without crying again.

“How is Billie handling all of this?”

In his question she responded with a quick shake of her head and then she wiped away the tears in her eyes.

“I understand.” He looked to his shoes distractedly and was about to say something more when Billie walked out of the room. She turned to say something to Alex but when she saw Moffat, her eyes instantly darkened.

“Hey Billie I was just wondering…”

“No” Came her flat reply before he could finish asking. Alex threw a confused glance between the two people. “You cannot see him. You will not see him.” She refused to look at him as his expression grew from confusion to shock.

“Why can’t I…” he began to plead. His voice faltered again when she turned a venomous glare on him. Even Alex shivered. _Blimey. If looks could kill_ , she thought.

“This is your fault all of this happened. It’s your fault. You are to blame. It’s simple. You can’t… “ She paused, swallowing. No I just don’t want you to see him. His parents don’t need your fucking crap.”

Moffat and Alex both looked at Billie, startled at her sudden outburst.

“My what?” He responded. “How, I don’t understand…”

“Just go away Steven! I don’t want to see you! All of this is your fault. Matt and David and… ” She was practically yelling now. Her voice trailed in the hallway, attracting a few onlookers. Not wanting to make a show of herself, and at the same time, unable to control her feelings, Billie simply cursed aloud. “Urg!” Throwing a hand up as she ended with a frustrated groan, Billie spun on her heel and stormed off without another word.

Alex looked apologetic at Steven for a second, then took off after Billie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any inconvenience. This story is under *Temporary* hiatus as I am dealing with personal medical issues at the current time. I know many of you are waiting for the next chapter. I promise I will not abandon this fic, it is my favorite so far. I will update when possible. Again, sorry for the trouble.

**Author's Note:**

> Editing credit: Lady_Cleo


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